This conversation was extremely therapeutic to me because it is always helpful especially to someone like myself to know that other people are goign through similar struggles or that they are not so far ahead of you in the road to happiness and contentment. It is also very helpful to get advice and feedback from men who are both older and younger than you about some situations you are going through. This is a habit of many women in their sharing and intimate comradery that I believe helps them live longer and cope with more internal pain than most men. Brothers of mankind do need to bond at some level or else it will lead to our spiritual and eventually our physical destruction.

Now this perception is coming from a Muslim Male perspective and it does not imply that brothers do not put sisters through their own personal hell either, however this is a Muslim Male blog. So we started talking about how the wives and women know exactly what to say to get you into extreme anger. We talked about this a little deeper and discussed how women either consciously or unconsciously try to gain emotional control. Sisters control most men through Male emotion and pride in their manhood. Nothing makes a man feel more masculine than power over someone else, especially a woman who the man has multiple levels of attraction towards (spiritual, emotional, and physical).

On the other end, nothing threatens a man's masculinity than someone calling out or questioning a male's manhood. I think that most women know this, and the ones who are twisted in their functioning know that you can control a man through diminishing their self worth to a point of stress and depression. Most women, by nature take these transgressing shots at brothers they even say that they love dearly, whether knowingly or unknowingly. This happens because women do not know what masculinity is. I say that because they may read or hear or have seen a functionaly example of it, but they have never experienced it. Even though they may tell you that they know what you are talking about, but they do not.

One example of this is my wife. My wife came from an extremely positive background witha great male role model in her father and her older brother. Furthermore, she has had many positive interactions with males. Many times I will tell my three year old son something when I am leaving. I tell him, "Make sure you take care of mommy when I am gone." If there are other women in the house, I tell him to take care of them as well. On multiple occasions my wife will ask, "he's just three, what is he going to do? Why do you keep telling him that?" That question right there showed me that she never experienced manhood, just saw it and felt it through a woman's mind and body. Most men reading this should have picked up why I said such a thing to my son. I do not expect all the women reading this to catch it. What I am doing is injecting the quality of protecting family, and responsibility for the home and the women and other children in the home at a very early age. I am doing it from a male perspective which is why a woman like my wife did not catch it. It is interactions and bonds like these between males that are necessary to pass down and perpetuate the journey to the completion of manhood.

We talked about instilling our secure form of masculinity. One of the best ways that this is done is by having interactions that bond males to a level of trust and support that reinforce what we already know. What we already know is that most of us are on our way to completing our manhood and being the best men that we can be. The Prophet (s) said in a very authentic narration that "Women are like a rib, if you try to straighten them out, then they will snap, so leave them be." I know it seems like it we take any more from our women, than we're gonna be the ones who are snapping, but that is where the model of masculinity comes in. That is the true strength. The strength of security to endure the emotional tornadoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes, that women can unleash upon us. Remember the third phase of the Masculine Development Model which is composure.

Most of the time, women, like many people project and dump their internal strife upon males and males get emotionally constipated because they deal with their own issues and whatever is dumped upon him without having a postive outlet to vent, express his concerns, or even get some advice about a trying situation. Many women on the other hand have some outlets and it is more socially acceptable for women to cry and express emotions that scientifically relieve the body of the stress and pain of many situations. Males on the other hand must maintain society's definition of masculinity and hold everything in and not show any sign of weakness. The only acceptable way to show emotion for most men in this society is anger. Anger is not supposed to be a common and consistent emotion. Anger is a defense mechanism that protects something. Anger is described by the Prophet (s) as a fire inside of us and that we must cool it down. If we are walking around 24 hours a day most days out of the year angry at some level about something, we are slowly (and sometimes quickly) killing ourselves. We must not internalize the strife of other people. We must be strong enough to ask for help from other brothers and seek advice and get along with give reinforcement to our fellow brothers in Islam and in Mankind. If we know that we can support one another and help each other then, we can be better even for our wives and our women in the community.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

What I have found is that women are much more experiential than men are. The experience of connecting and the rebeautification of self is what arouses at the deepest level. This translates into the connection between people. So how you connect with the female gender is paramount. The first thing is to have a proper intention. The proper intention is to get yourself closer to Allah with everything you do. Furthermore, if you can get the creation around you closer to Allah along with you, then that is better. The creation around you includes Women. You must want to get better, and closer to Allah in your interactions with women and the people. This must be the top priority. However it is not that simple because a decent portion of the women we meet daily we are attracted towards. Once a physical attraction comes into play, the the intention starts getting confabulated.

When we are able to move past this phase which goes in line with the Masculine Developmental Model and hold strong to our principles through our fortitude, then we are able to keep our three levels of respect. The first level of respect is the respect for God. This means getting towards a level of belief where you begin to live life as if Allah is right next to you. The second level of respect is that towards yourself. This is where your principles come into play from the Masculine Development Model. When you have principles for yourself then, regardless of how attractive someone is and how seductive they become, it does not sway you from your own personal beliefs and values. A man without principles is nothing. The third level of respect is that towards the woman. The woman comes last because if there is no respect for God or self, that whatever a woman wants to get from you, or get for you, she can get it, even if it is against your own will. She can get it against your own will because a man without self respect or low principles has no internal foundation that can weather the storm that people and their desires will throw upon you. Your self respect is the foundation of your principles. Your principles are the foundation of your manhood. Your manhood is the foundation of your being and who you are as a man in society.

Women have that intuition, but many times, they do not know it. The base of nature for a woman is to draw herself to the rebeautification and the reinforcement of the value of her soul. That comes in infinite forms throughout this world in the hundreds and thousands of groups of people that inhabit this planet. The one common denominator is that a woman want to consistently be beautified (in her own eyes, and her own way) and to reinforce her value (in her own eyes and her own way). In this particular society, most women are taught and socialized nowadays to be attractive, and really, nothing more. Attractiveness and physical desirability is the primary channel of drawing the attention needed to rebeautify and reinforce value of herself. So men are socialized to treat women on the basis of their physical and sexual desirability.

There are a few problems with that. The first big issue is that the physique has nothing to do with the woman and many of us men reading this know that all too well. Males simply get the experience they want from the body of their desire, then they move on to another one of their liking. This leaves a trail of unfulfilled and devalued souls. Not only are their souls devalued, but us men begin to devalue and hate ourselves for funnelling our self worth and our masculinity to simply how many women do we got numbers for and how many can we get naked with at will. Most people get this perception perpetuated by mass media and their peers. It gets to a point where the males of society (as in most males here in America) feel in the depth of their heart that all (or a significant portion) of masculinity is simply how many woman can you sleep with. The people who feel that way are severely confused souls.

There are a few basics after the fundamental levels of respect in how to treat a woman. The first thing is honesty, which includes being straightforward, not in a rude way, but simple and straight. The second thing is to simply be yourself. I know millions of people say this, and one of the reasons I have come to realize is that you will draw people to you (if single) or draw attention to you (if not single) that is not suitable for who you are as a person and where your situation is in life. The second thing is to make sure you are pleasant and approachable. I say this to my Muslim brothers especially because sisters and women who are in danger will more likely seek help and protection from you (which is your God given duty as a man). If you are cold and unapproachable, she may not seek help, protection, or much needed information from you since she thinks that you are not a helping spirit. Now this may draw some unwanted attractive attention to you, however, the three levels of respect are your shield from unwanted evils that is the source of your personality. The greater good is the ability for a sister or a woman to feel they have real men to depend on and protect her if in danger.

The last simple thing is to treat a woman more than the desirable piece of flesh that stand before you. There really is much more to her than that. There is much more to her that will benefit you. Remember in the Quran that Woman (Eve) was created from Adam's body. So there is some secret, some part of ourselves that reside within them that can most certainly be the key to our success if we only knew. There will be more pieces on how to properly treat a woman, but this should suffice for now.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.