Anger
Emotional Control and Muslim Masculinity…
A man that can control himself can control his universe. Emotional control is arguably the most significant deficit we have within Muslim Masculinity on this planet. The globalization of western Euro-American culture confines most sentimental emotions into one manifestation: Anger. It does not seem to matter of a man is hurt, sad, depressed, anxious, scared or anything else. The acceptable way to maintain this deformed definition of masculinity is to be angry and act without reason.
Confidence & Arrogance (Part 1 of 2)…
Real men have confidence, not arrogance. They are two different things. The dangerous thing about the two constructs is that many times people perceive them to be the same thing from observing behavior. According to Webster's dictionary confidence is defined as: 1. A feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances 2. Faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way. So we see that there is a faith in one's abilities or situation. Arrogance is defined as: 1. An attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.
Unity: It Starts With U (Part 2 of 5)…
Many years ago, my father said something to me that was deeply connected to what the prophet said. It has influenced my work in psychology. He was telling me of a man who had become Muslim, but had improper development before reverting. He said of the person “he felt like a nobody before entering Islam, and after reverting, he still acts like a nobody.” Abu Hurairah (r) narrated that the Prophet (s) said, “Those who were the best in the pre-lslamic period of ignorance will be the best in Islam provided they comprehend the religious knowledge.” (Bukhari 4/572 and Muslim). I have heard amazing stories of change. What connects all those stories is the people wanted the change for themselves first.
Fortitude towards Islamic Masculinity…
Remember we talked about the difference between Islamic Masculinity and Muslim Masculinity. Islamic Masculinity is the goal, the endpoint where Allah wants us to be as men of his creation. Muslim masculinity is the road to get to that goal. A significant checkpoint on that road to the completion of manhood and the desirable state of Islamic Masculinity is Fortitude. Webster defines fortitude as strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage. It is the next step after a man attaches to and lives by his principles. Once a man has some principles, the next situation to occur is that those principles will be tested. This is where the adversity, pain, and other obstacles come into play. A man needs to have the internal strength to bear the burdens of these various tests of ones character. Once the principles are in place they must be assessed to determine how strong those principles are, thus determining how strong you are as a man.
Male Bonding and Muslim Masculinity…
I was talking to some brothers yesterday and eventually we got onto the subject of the struggles of being married and Muslim Masculinity. I guess you could call it Male Bonding. I had some extra time this past weekend so I went to the local Muslim Owned restaurant called the Fish Dock. I stayed there for most of the day which was about 5pm to 11:30pm. We started discussing community issues and then it blended into personal lives.
Anger and Muslim Masculinity…
"A person who is angered quickly shows a sign that their ego still has a grasp over them"
I found this saying to be one of the most profound statements that I have heard in a long time. Like many of us, I come from a family line that has a quick temper. Anger is something that I deal with and try to control to the best of my ability on a daily basis. The Muslim and Non Muslim men nowadays see anger as something very masculine, like it is a strength. I beg to differ. As stated in the masculine development model, the epitome of strength is self control. People can and do control others when they know what emotional buttons to push. It is arguably one of the most prominent ways that women with bad intent control men in detrimental ways.
Strength and Manhood
I believe that the greatest strength that a man can have is the ability to control himself in all facets of life. True strength is the only way to attain complete manhood. The way that strength is portrayed in media and everyday life is the exact opposite of that. It is seen as something glorified and strong to have a lack of emotional self control and psychological well being. It seems that the more that we give in to our own whims, then the stronger we are. Those who do not do so are belittled and made to be humiliated. This is a backwards way of looking at strength. One of the main meanings of strength is the ability to endure. The most constant attack on us is the desires that come from within ourselves. Most people are not interested in working on themselves in that manner. So how do we begin to become stronger? The first thing is to identify what makes us weaker.
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