Confidence and Security
Unity: It Starts with U (Part 4 of 5)…
There is great news. Even though there is division within the Muslims, the great news is that a portion of the Muslim Ummah is united and will always be united. Allah says so in the Quran about this section of Muslims called Mu’minoon (believers). Allah says in the 49th chapter (Al Hujarat) in the 10th verse: The Believers are but a single Brotherhood: So make peace and harmony between your two (contending) brothers; and fear Allah, that ye may receive Mercy. Allah declares that we are always united if we are believers.
Unity: It Starts With U (Part 3 of 5)…
My father-in-law told me something wise one day. He said the problems the Muslims have today is because the Muslim males do not know how to be men. He said if the males were properly developed Muslim men, then the females would follow suit as it is the female’s nature to follow the one who desires her (the male). Properly developed men are those who are best to their families. Abu Hurairah (r) narrated that the Prophet (s) said: “Among the Muslims the most perfect, as regards his faith, is the one whose character is excellent, and the best among you are those who treat their wives well.” (Tirmidhi 278, 628, 3264 and Abu Dawud).
Unity: It Starts With U (Part 2 of 5)…
Many years ago, my father said something to me that was deeply connected to what the prophet said. It has influenced my work in psychology. He was telling me of a man who had become Muslim, but had improper development before reverting. He said of the person “he felt like a nobody before entering Islam, and after reverting, he still acts like a nobody.” Abu Hurairah (r) narrated that the Prophet (s) said, “Those who were the best in the pre-lslamic period of ignorance will be the best in Islam provided they comprehend the religious knowledge.” (Bukhari 4/572 and Muslim). I have heard amazing stories of change. What connects all those stories is the people wanted the change for themselves first.
Fortitude towards Islamic Masculinity…
Remember we talked about the difference between Islamic Masculinity and Muslim Masculinity. Islamic Masculinity is the goal, the endpoint where Allah wants us to be as men of his creation. Muslim masculinity is the road to get to that goal. A significant checkpoint on that road to the completion of manhood and the desirable state of Islamic Masculinity is Fortitude. Webster defines fortitude as strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage. It is the next step after a man attaches to and lives by his principles. Once a man has some principles, the next situation to occur is that those principles will be tested. This is where the adversity, pain, and other obstacles come into play. A man needs to have the internal strength to bear the burdens of these various tests of ones character. Once the principles are in place they must be assessed to determine how strong those principles are, thus determining how strong you are as a man.
Islamic Masculinity & Muslim Masculinity…
Islamic Masculinity and Muslim Masculinity are two different constructs the way that I see it. I see the former being the end goal and the latter as being the journey to get there. Islam and Islamic Masculinity does not need correcting or redefining. We simply need to make its definition clear to us as men and Muslims. When we have completed our manhood, then we simply eptomize what Islamic Masculinity is supposed to be. Muslim Masculinity on the other hand is a dynamic and an incessantly evolving state of manhood that is possessed by Muslims. That is deficient because human's and Human error is involved with that. Whereas Islam there is absolutely no error in it since Islam involves two things: Allah, and what God wants for his creation. Hopefully through Principles, Fortitude, Composure, and Submission, we may get there some day.
Male Bonding and Muslim Masculinity…
I was talking to some brothers yesterday and eventually we got onto the subject of the struggles of being married and Muslim Masculinity. I guess you could call it Male Bonding. I had some extra time this past weekend so I went to the local Muslim Owned restaurant called the Fish Dock. I stayed there for most of the day which was about 5pm to 11:30pm. We started discussing community issues and then it blended into personal lives.
Anger and Muslim Masculinity…
"A person who is angered quickly shows a sign that their ego still has a grasp over them"
I found this saying to be one of the most profound statements that I have heard in a long time. Like many of us, I come from a family line that has a quick temper. Anger is something that I deal with and try to control to the best of my ability on a daily basis. The Muslim and Non Muslim men nowadays see anger as something very masculine, like it is a strength. I beg to differ. As stated in the masculine development model, the epitome of strength is self control. People can and do control others when they know what emotional buttons to push. It is arguably one of the most prominent ways that women with bad intent control men in detrimental ways.
Hard Work
Hard work is something that is part of our destiny to our completion of Manhood. Putting hard work and making a difference in the world through your efforts is a trait that we as men must naturally have. Part of the emasculation that occurs in the impoverished and the minority communities is a lazy and bad work ethic. I am not talking about people who do not have jobs or are going through rough times. I am simply stating a mental and spiritual phase that unfortunately most of our brothers in humanity possess. We as men must move beyond our state as it is unhealthy for us to have other women, children and men who do not invest in our community or loved ones make decisions and provide for us.
Strength and Manhood
I believe that the greatest strength that a man can have is the ability to control himself in all facets of life. True strength is the only way to attain complete manhood. The way that strength is portrayed in media and everyday life is the exact opposite of that. It is seen as something glorified and strong to have a lack of emotional self control and psychological well being. It seems that the more that we give in to our own whims, then the stronger we are. Those who do not do so are belittled and made to be humiliated. This is a backwards way of looking at strength. One of the main meanings of strength is the ability to endure. The most constant attack on us is the desires that come from within ourselves. Most people are not interested in working on themselves in that manner. So how do we begin to become stronger? The first thing is to identify what makes us weaker.
Fear and Responsibility
The way that we handle fear and responsibility are vital to our journey to the completion of our manhood. Both fear and responsibility are present inside all of us men, but what separates men from boys is how we deal with fear and how we handle our responsibility. I am defining fear as a chronic and potentially crippling avoidance to engage in someone or something. Merriam-Webster Online defines fear as an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger. I define fear as something different than being scared. Being scared can most certainly become a function or manifestation of fear, but it can also be something temporary.
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