My professor was telling me a story of an extreme case of this entitlement. He was at the gas station and there were a couple young guys. There was also a young lady. They all were around college aged. the young lady walks by the young man. As most people do in this society, we walk by many people without greeting them or acknowledging them especially when we are in the middle of doing something. This young lady did the same thing to the guy, just simply walked by. I guess since the young lady was attractive to the young man, the man got really angry. In fact, he was enfuriated. When I first heard this, it baffled me . It confused me so much that I honestly did not know what the guy was angry about. This guy was so angry that when he, his friend and the young lady were outside, he started yelling at her in public! He admonished her about walking by without any acknowledgement. She graciously deflected him, but after hearing that story, I am overwhelmed with negative emotions concerning our state of masculinity in this generation.

The level of immaturity that stemmed from entitlement is astronomical! These ideas that any woman who looks good is required to talk to a dude is absolutely obsurd. When I grew up, men earned attention from women. If someone walked by without saying anything, then nothing personal or negative was interpreted. It seems that these poisons from the media are injecting these ideas into male and female minds. So let us set the record straight using Halim's Masculine Development model. Men, males, my brothers, you are not entitled to crap! This is your first principle. The only thing a male is entitled to is basic human respect and decency. That is on the condition that you show it to other members of the human family.

This is the principle that needs to be instilled into our males rather than exploding when someone attractive does not give you the attention you deserve. If a male stays down that road in life, then they will surely spell their own demise sooner than later. True Islamic Masculinity is living your life knowing everything is a blessing from God. You know that everything good that happens to you is something that you do not deserve. You feel as if it is a manifestation of Allah's love for you. When something bad happens to you, then you know that it is a situation that God is using that will make you stronger. Either way, you continually develop in your manhood. Do not feel entitled to stuff, even though you may do a lot to help the people. Do know that God is entitled to infinitely more you we can ever imagine. All he wants from us my brothers is to live in servitude to Him, not feel entitled to his services. Our submission to the creator is what gives us a power and bounties that supercede the imagination of anyone. This all occurs when we rid ourselves of the entitilement in our hearts.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

We must be less selfish and more giving. We must be less arrogant and more humble. We bond in harmony with Allah’s creation through developing ourselves towards submitting to Allah. The angels and all the positive unseen forces will support the believers as will the rest of creation when we strive together to hold the rope of Allah. Perhaps we will experience unity in brotherhood and sisterhood that provides a sweetness in our being unlike anything the creation can offer. Perhaps we can experience this before we stand before Allah.

The Prophet (s) gave the clear and profound solution: Anas relates that the Prophet (s) said: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” [Sahîh al-Bukhari and Sahîh Muslim]. When we follow that in every facet of our life, we will achieve the unity we seek. How does that unity look? The Prophet (s) shows that unity in his a profound portion of his last sermon. “All humankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab. Also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Know that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing should be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly. Do not, therefore, do injustice to yourselves. “ This is the vision for our community from the Prophet (s). When we work on ourselves to be capable of embodying that statement, then we will find our whole community united.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Mu’minoon are those who have attained faith, which is different than a Muslim. Allah says in the 49th chapter (Hujarat) verse 14: The desert Arabs say, "We believe." Say, "Ye have no faith; but ye (only) say, 'We have submitted our wills to Allah.' For not yet has Faith entered your hearts. But if ye obey Allah and His Messenger, He will not belittle aught of your deeds: for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." Mu’minoon is in a much higher league than a Muslim. There are characteristics of spiritual development in a Mu’min that is different from a Muslim’s. One of those characteristics we have already discussed in that a believer never backbites. However, Muslims do backbite. It is a sin and we should ask forgiveness, but we are still Muslim if we do it. A believer stops being a believer if he does such an act. Lying is an act that a believer cannot perform. A Muslim however, can stay Muslim and lie. It is a sin, but again we are still Muslim. The list goes on. What you have are two different types of people.

There are two different levels of submissions to Allah. When we submit to Allah at the level of a Mu’min, then we automatically have the characteristics and requirements fulfilled to enter the house clean and pure. Further, we will speak of the good things in the house and remain silent about the bad since the Iman in our heart is thankful that Allah has put us in such a situation. Thus, the believers are united as Allah has said many times. We should pray that we join the community of the believers.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Our males who act tough yet have little esteem and confidence in themselves and their lord can perpetuate astronomical amounts of division and destruction. This is because the method of filling the void inside ourselves has no blessing in it. It goes against what the way Allah told us to change our condition. The women become an expression of our own wishes. If we do not keep ourselves modest and chaste, then our women will reflect that condition. People make their own decisions, but most choose to follow their own desires. One of the signs of following our own desires is leaving the way of the Prophet (s) and point the finger by spewing negativity into the world. It does not unite us, further it leaves us in a spiritually stagnant state, which is where Shaytan would like us to remain for eternity.

The solution to become united is clear. We get rid of our own filth inside ourselves. That means leave the sins that we know we do. We need to perform our five pillars to the utmost perfection we can give it. We then should leave that which Allah and his Prophet emphatically forbade. If that stage is reached, then we should begin doing the acts that Allah and his prophet believed desirable. Always remember, the strength of a building, like our pillars we have in Islam is not in the outside, it is the strength built within. Verily (as the Prophet (s) is oft quoted) our actions are judged based on our intentions (Bukhari & Muslim). So whoever goes on this journey to please Allah, then he will get what he wants. Whoever goes on this journey for a woman, he will get what he wants. Make sure the intents are pure before going down the path of development. Remember, we cannot reach our potential without the help of Allah.

This development takes time and it takes a tremendous amount of humility because we find out how much dirt is inside. This is why Allah said in the first chapter (Al Fatihah) and fifth verse: “You alone we worship and you alone we come to for help.” He also said in the 103rd chapter (Al Asr) in the first and second verse: “By time; verily mankind is at a loss.” My brothers and sisters, we are at a loss. This is our nature: to be at a loss without Allah. So do not be discouraged and feel too bad to come back to Allah for Allah is ever and infinitely merciful and He wants you to need Him. He created us to be united in our need of Him. When we feel like we do not need others and can sit on our so-called stools of piety and point fingers, it will only corrupt ourselves. We must rise above that, men and women to something better.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Islam gives the ability to the person should they chose to do what Allah said and change the condition of their own hearts. Let us remember Islam is a peaceful submission to Allah, thus we bear witness there is No God but Allah and Muhammad (s) is his messenger. If we do not come in willing to submit to Allah and his will on us, then we will never reach the potential Islam can offer us. We bring in too much baggage and corruption. It’s like a person who has not bathed and wears musty clothes going into a neighbor’s house. Further, the person with the repulsive stench begins to say how bad the house smells in the house and chastises the owners for not taking care of the house! This is what we do every day when we speak ill of our community with low development. We bring our own baggage, deny there are smelly things inside ourselves, and then we speak about the corrupted affairs of a community we have the privilege of belonging to.

We submit to either one of two categories: the Creator or the created. Either way, everyone you see walking has submitted to something. It is our nature as humanity and as the creation of Allah to submit. The Prophet Muhammad said, "No babe is born but upon Fitra (as a Muslim). It is his parents who make him a Jew or a Christian or a Polytheist." (Sahih Muslim, Book 033, Number 6426). This is why we are Muslims when we are born. If we do not submit to Allah and become his representatives on this planet, then nothing in the creation submits and cooperates with us. Both male and female unite in their submission to the creator. When we cause division within ourselves as men, we deviate in our nature. Further, everything in nature deviates in how it attaches to us. There is no longer any blessing or unity in the system of creation. Thus we have women now showing some skin and conquering males’ physical whims. On the other side, we have men violating female innocence to fulfill carnal wants by expressing whatever levels of intimacy with females necessary. We men have no right to talk about the failings of others and the community when we have not conquered our own demons. Anas bin Malik (r) narrated that the Prophet (s) said, "Make things easy for the people, and do not make it difficult for them, and make them calm (with glad tidings) and do not repulse (them).” (Bukhari, 8/146).

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There is a popular verse in the Quran. In chapter 13 (Al-Ra’d), verse 11 there is a portion where most average Muslims translate as “Allah does not change a condition of the people until they change the condition of themselves.” The Arabic words from the Quran say something more specific. Yusuf Ali and M. Pickthall translate it a more specific way: For him are angels ranged before him and behind him, who guard him by Allah's command. Lo! Allah changeth not the condition of a folk until they (first) change that which is in their hearts; and if Allah willeth misfortune for a folk there is none that can repel it, nor have they a defender beside Him. The word for change used in this verse transliterates as (Yu-Ghay-ya-roo) which is third person, plural and present tense. The root word (Ghay-ya-ra) is in the second verbal form in Arabic which specifically connotes one causing with more intensity and repetition over time (“Language of Revelation”, Siddeeq Jihad, p. 108). It is an active and engaging form for verbs in Arabic. In this subtlety, Allah is showing us how he wants us to change our own condition from division towards unity. He wants us to engage our hearts constantly. The Arabic words for this transliterates as [maa (what) bee (in) an-foo-see-him (selves)]. We must change what is inside ourselves.

Often, the divisions and the corruptions most of us speak about in the community are spread by backbiting and perpetuating scandals. Our hearts do not see clearly. Thus when we spread news of the community, it usually comes out unclear and negative which often translates to backbiting and scandals. Many times we backbite and spread negativity because of what we heard from someone else. The 108th chapter (Al-Humazah) of the Quran is specifically about people who spread these types of corruptions. Thus, our efforts to reunite the community are corrupt. In our corruption, we get this rush and a voice telling us that we doing the right thing, it’s for the sake of Allah, or it is for the greater good. We continue in the misguidance because we have adopted inappropriate habits in our efforts to reunite. It is a natural law in science and a supernatural law to gain positivity, one must emit positivity. The Prophet (s) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak a good word or remain silent. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his neighbor. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his guest.”(Bukhari and Muslim). The Prophet (s) was a firm believer in being positive as we should be.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Many times I see the people mix up and confuse others with both terms and constructs. People attribute the deficiencies of Muslim Masculinity towards Islam as a way of living and Islamic Masculinity. First and foremost do know that people who take that stance are severely mistaken. Secondly, also know that what a man does who claims to be Muslim does not speak towards the essence of Islam and what Allah, God was trying to convey to mankind. The goal of Muslim Masculinity is to reach towards a perfect and ideal Islamic Masculinity. The channel that fills the gap between the two is The Masculine Development Model.

The differences between Islamic and Muslim masculinity are pretty simple, though to many it may seem like a miniscule nuance. The point of a Muslim man is to completely submit to Allah, to God, which means give everything in his soul and in his being away in order to get as close to Allah as possible. Why, you may ask? Because it is our nature. No one asks why Lemons taste bitter or why fire is hot, or water is transparent in its natural and pure state. No one asks because they inherently come to know that those characteristics are clearly the nature of those created things. It is just the way they were made. Such is the case of man in that submission to creator and initiator of all things is the most fundamental part of our nature as human beings.

Between 90-99% of our men in Mankind have a distorted view of masculinity. Usually masculinity is interlaced with a high dose of arrogance because the fundamental characteristic of manhood is to have some level of autonomy and some level of power and control. Having these inside the psyche and the heart marginalizes God and the role he has to play in the affairs of the creation. Arrogance is simply the feeling that you are completely self sufficient at some level, and that you are in no need of God's help and assistance. There are so many messages in the world that put out this message of arrogance and equate that to being the 'ultimate man'. There is no room in the mind and heart to submit to Allah if you feel like you do not need him. That right now unfortunately is the state of Muslim Masculinity, and we are trying to move the people towards the Masculinity of God, the Masculinity of Islam (Islamic Masculinity) that was created for us to fulfill our nature.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

I have recently become spritually infatuated with the Quran. You ever had a taste for something, and on top of having the taste for a certain thing, you were also hungry? The different thing about the Quran and myself is that even when I get a taste of it, the thirst and hunger are not quenched. There is something that I am not getting enough of. I wonder if in this life, I will ever experience that. For now, I do not know the answer. This is where the knowledge of the self is essential. There are things that we experience in life within ourselves that we do not have the knowledge to classify, interpret, or categorize.

For example, if I had little to no knowledge about the effects of the Quran on myself both on a (meta)physical level, then I would classify this sensation that is experieinced as something completely different than what the reality is. What sensation do I speak of? There is a feeling of anxiety, anguish, tension, physical lethargy, and sometimes slight headaches when I do not recite the Quran or read from the book. These sensations (I have found through knowledge) are rectified when I read the Quran and pray.

If there was no knowledge or what is worse such as inaccurate knowledge, then different and usually detrimental actions would be taken towards ridding undesirable sensations. The scary thing about corrupt knowledge is that there are usually excuses about why a certain path towards development does not work, which sends one deeper down a path of inaccuracies.

This is why principles are the hallmark of the initial path to Muslim Masculinity. Principles are doorways that Allah gives towards knowledge of the self. Allah, God possesses the manual for making the greatest product in creation, the Human Being, work effectively and as intended. Those principles are laid out so that we are aware of our souls and ourselves. The best thing about the principle knowledge of self is the universality and flexibility. The constructs are universal, yet the application and context differ on an infinite spectrum while still maintaining the intial contructs of "Respect women", "Guard your chastity", "Be the best to your families." These are basic objective principles, yet can be applied in an infinite amount of ways, which shows the beauty of God, the beauty of his system or principles, Islam. Thus, this can show us the potential of beauty in makind when the principles are followed. This opens doorways to know ourselves and then we begin to feel and experience what we need to in order to further develop our Muslim Masculinity into the next phase.... Fortitude.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

This conversation was extremely therapeutic to me because it is always helpful especially to someone like myself to know that other people are goign through similar struggles or that they are not so far ahead of you in the road to happiness and contentment. It is also very helpful to get advice and feedback from men who are both older and younger than you about some situations you are going through. This is a habit of many women in their sharing and intimate comradery that I believe helps them live longer and cope with more internal pain than most men. Brothers of mankind do need to bond at some level or else it will lead to our spiritual and eventually our physical destruction.

Now this perception is coming from a Muslim Male perspective and it does not imply that brothers do not put sisters through their own personal hell either, however this is a Muslim Male blog. So we started talking about how the wives and women know exactly what to say to get you into extreme anger. We talked about this a little deeper and discussed how women either consciously or unconsciously try to gain emotional control. Sisters control most men through Male emotion and pride in their manhood. Nothing makes a man feel more masculine than power over someone else, especially a woman who the man has multiple levels of attraction towards (spiritual, emotional, and physical).

On the other end, nothing threatens a man's masculinity than someone calling out or questioning a male's manhood. I think that most women know this, and the ones who are twisted in their functioning know that you can control a man through diminishing their self worth to a point of stress and depression. Most women, by nature take these transgressing shots at brothers they even say that they love dearly, whether knowingly or unknowingly. This happens because women do not know what masculinity is. I say that because they may read or hear or have seen a functionaly example of it, but they have never experienced it. Even though they may tell you that they know what you are talking about, but they do not.

One example of this is my wife. My wife came from an extremely positive background witha great male role model in her father and her older brother. Furthermore, she has had many positive interactions with males. Many times I will tell my three year old son something when I am leaving. I tell him, "Make sure you take care of mommy when I am gone." If there are other women in the house, I tell him to take care of them as well. On multiple occasions my wife will ask, "he's just three, what is he going to do? Why do you keep telling him that?" That question right there showed me that she never experienced manhood, just saw it and felt it through a woman's mind and body. Most men reading this should have picked up why I said such a thing to my son. I do not expect all the women reading this to catch it. What I am doing is injecting the quality of protecting family, and responsibility for the home and the women and other children in the home at a very early age. I am doing it from a male perspective which is why a woman like my wife did not catch it. It is interactions and bonds like these between males that are necessary to pass down and perpetuate the journey to the completion of manhood.

We talked about instilling our secure form of masculinity. One of the best ways that this is done is by having interactions that bond males to a level of trust and support that reinforce what we already know. What we already know is that most of us are on our way to completing our manhood and being the best men that we can be. The Prophet (s) said in a very authentic narration that "Women are like a rib, if you try to straighten them out, then they will snap, so leave them be." I know it seems like it we take any more from our women, than we're gonna be the ones who are snapping, but that is where the model of masculinity comes in. That is the true strength. The strength of security to endure the emotional tornadoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes, that women can unleash upon us. Remember the third phase of the Masculine Development Model which is composure.

Most of the time, women, like many people project and dump their internal strife upon males and males get emotionally constipated because they deal with their own issues and whatever is dumped upon him without having a postive outlet to vent, express his concerns, or even get some advice about a trying situation. Many women on the other hand have some outlets and it is more socially acceptable for women to cry and express emotions that scientifically relieve the body of the stress and pain of many situations. Males on the other hand must maintain society's definition of masculinity and hold everything in and not show any sign of weakness. The only acceptable way to show emotion for most men in this society is anger. Anger is not supposed to be a common and consistent emotion. Anger is a defense mechanism that protects something. Anger is described by the Prophet (s) as a fire inside of us and that we must cool it down. If we are walking around 24 hours a day most days out of the year angry at some level about something, we are slowly (and sometimes quickly) killing ourselves. We must not internalize the strife of other people. We must be strong enough to ask for help from other brothers and seek advice and get along with give reinforcement to our fellow brothers in Islam and in Mankind. If we know that we can support one another and help each other then, we can be better even for our wives and our women in the community.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

I found this saying to be one of the most profound statements that I have heard in a long time. Like many of us, I come from a family line that has a quick temper. Anger is something that I deal with and try to control to the best of my ability on a daily basis. The Muslim and Non Muslim men nowadays see anger as something very masculine, like it is a strength. I beg to differ. As stated in the masculine development model, the epitome of strength is self control. People can and do control others when they know what emotional buttons to push. It is arguably one of the most prominent ways that women with bad intent control men in detrimental ways.

The Prophet Muhammad (s) said that if a person gets angry, that they should make abolution as the water can cool down the fire that is burning inside. He further said for people to sit down. If a person is still angry, then he said for the person to lay down until calm. The Prophet (s) also said that for a long term treatment of anger, that a person should take one spoonful of honey everyday. I am sure that there are physical and metaphysical effects of these actions in regards to anger. There most certainly needs to be a serious effort to control one's anger as it jumbles our normal judgement as we say and do things that we usually regret in that temporary fit of emotion. We usually do these things to hurt the target person as much or perhaps more than we ourselves feel that we have been hurt.

Anger is not a pure emotion. A pure emotion can be something like fear, joy, sadness, guilt and so on. Anger is a reactionary emotion. Anger comes about when a pure emotion is emitted. It is usually used as a defense mechanism to guard the hurt or sadness that has occured. Men are socialized to show the strength needed, which in many societies usually show as anger. We brothers want people to respect our manhood and many times and with many brothers we are taught and trained in this society that if respect is not shown to us, then it is usually beaten either physically or emotionally out of the person who performs the disrespect. We must be careful of where this anger is coming from, because it becomes a very selfish thing that makes everything and everyone revolve around our deserving the utmost happiness, respect and honor. That is only given to us by Allah.

We must control ourselves as much as possible and see anger on a consistent basis as something that puts us out of control and not in it. There is a anger for good reasons, however most of the time that we men get angry, it is not about something that is in line with our proper principles in the Masculine Development Model. Always remember, a man without principles is no Man at all. If our anger is engineered by something outside of the principles that we have laid forth to attain positive male development, than that is a useless anger that we need not give time towards. I myself work on this everyday and perhaps the reader is better at controlling oneself than the writer. Nonetheless we cannot be a complete Muslim Men if our anger and tempers have control over our hearts.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.