My professor was telling me a story of an extreme case of this entitlement. He was at the gas station and there were a couple young guys. There was also a young lady. They all were around college aged. the young lady walks by the young man. As most people do in this society, we walk by many people without greeting them or acknowledging them especially when we are in the middle of doing something. This young lady did the same thing to the guy, just simply walked by. I guess since the young lady was attractive to the young man, the man got really angry. In fact, he was enfuriated. When I first heard this, it baffled me . It confused me so much that I honestly did not know what the guy was angry about. This guy was so angry that when he, his friend and the young lady were outside, he started yelling at her in public! He admonished her about walking by without any acknowledgement. She graciously deflected him, but after hearing that story, I am overwhelmed with negative emotions concerning our state of masculinity in this generation.

The level of immaturity that stemmed from entitlement is astronomical! These ideas that any woman who looks good is required to talk to a dude is absolutely obsurd. When I grew up, men earned attention from women. If someone walked by without saying anything, then nothing personal or negative was interpreted. It seems that these poisons from the media are injecting these ideas into male and female minds. So let us set the record straight using Halim's Masculine Development model. Men, males, my brothers, you are not entitled to crap! This is your first principle. The only thing a male is entitled to is basic human respect and decency. That is on the condition that you show it to other members of the human family.

This is the principle that needs to be instilled into our males rather than exploding when someone attractive does not give you the attention you deserve. If a male stays down that road in life, then they will surely spell their own demise sooner than later. True Islamic Masculinity is living your life knowing everything is a blessing from God. You know that everything good that happens to you is something that you do not deserve. You feel as if it is a manifestation of Allah's love for you. When something bad happens to you, then you know that it is a situation that God is using that will make you stronger. Either way, you continually develop in your manhood. Do not feel entitled to stuff, even though you may do a lot to help the people. Do know that God is entitled to infinitely more you we can ever imagine. All he wants from us my brothers is to live in servitude to Him, not feel entitled to his services. Our submission to the creator is what gives us a power and bounties that supercede the imagination of anyone. This all occurs when we rid ourselves of the entitilement in our hearts.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Mu’minoon are those who have attained faith, which is different than a Muslim. Allah says in the 49th chapter (Hujarat) verse 14: The desert Arabs say, "We believe." Say, "Ye have no faith; but ye (only) say, 'We have submitted our wills to Allah.' For not yet has Faith entered your hearts. But if ye obey Allah and His Messenger, He will not belittle aught of your deeds: for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." Mu’minoon is in a much higher league than a Muslim. There are characteristics of spiritual development in a Mu’min that is different from a Muslim’s. One of those characteristics we have already discussed in that a believer never backbites. However, Muslims do backbite. It is a sin and we should ask forgiveness, but we are still Muslim if we do it. A believer stops being a believer if he does such an act. Lying is an act that a believer cannot perform. A Muslim however, can stay Muslim and lie. It is a sin, but again we are still Muslim. The list goes on. What you have are two different types of people.

There are two different levels of submissions to Allah. When we submit to Allah at the level of a Mu’min, then we automatically have the characteristics and requirements fulfilled to enter the house clean and pure. Further, we will speak of the good things in the house and remain silent about the bad since the Iman in our heart is thankful that Allah has put us in such a situation. Thus, the believers are united as Allah has said many times. We should pray that we join the community of the believers.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Our males who act tough yet have little esteem and confidence in themselves and their lord can perpetuate astronomical amounts of division and destruction. This is because the method of filling the void inside ourselves has no blessing in it. It goes against what the way Allah told us to change our condition. The women become an expression of our own wishes. If we do not keep ourselves modest and chaste, then our women will reflect that condition. People make their own decisions, but most choose to follow their own desires. One of the signs of following our own desires is leaving the way of the Prophet (s) and point the finger by spewing negativity into the world. It does not unite us, further it leaves us in a spiritually stagnant state, which is where Shaytan would like us to remain for eternity.

The solution to become united is clear. We get rid of our own filth inside ourselves. That means leave the sins that we know we do. We need to perform our five pillars to the utmost perfection we can give it. We then should leave that which Allah and his Prophet emphatically forbade. If that stage is reached, then we should begin doing the acts that Allah and his prophet believed desirable. Always remember, the strength of a building, like our pillars we have in Islam is not in the outside, it is the strength built within. Verily (as the Prophet (s) is oft quoted) our actions are judged based on our intentions (Bukhari & Muslim). So whoever goes on this journey to please Allah, then he will get what he wants. Whoever goes on this journey for a woman, he will get what he wants. Make sure the intents are pure before going down the path of development. Remember, we cannot reach our potential without the help of Allah.

This development takes time and it takes a tremendous amount of humility because we find out how much dirt is inside. This is why Allah said in the first chapter (Al Fatihah) and fifth verse: “You alone we worship and you alone we come to for help.” He also said in the 103rd chapter (Al Asr) in the first and second verse: “By time; verily mankind is at a loss.” My brothers and sisters, we are at a loss. This is our nature: to be at a loss without Allah. So do not be discouraged and feel too bad to come back to Allah for Allah is ever and infinitely merciful and He wants you to need Him. He created us to be united in our need of Him. When we feel like we do not need others and can sit on our so-called stools of piety and point fingers, it will only corrupt ourselves. We must rise above that, men and women to something better.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Islam gives the ability to the person should they chose to do what Allah said and change the condition of their own hearts. Let us remember Islam is a peaceful submission to Allah, thus we bear witness there is No God but Allah and Muhammad (s) is his messenger. If we do not come in willing to submit to Allah and his will on us, then we will never reach the potential Islam can offer us. We bring in too much baggage and corruption. It’s like a person who has not bathed and wears musty clothes going into a neighbor’s house. Further, the person with the repulsive stench begins to say how bad the house smells in the house and chastises the owners for not taking care of the house! This is what we do every day when we speak ill of our community with low development. We bring our own baggage, deny there are smelly things inside ourselves, and then we speak about the corrupted affairs of a community we have the privilege of belonging to.

We submit to either one of two categories: the Creator or the created. Either way, everyone you see walking has submitted to something. It is our nature as humanity and as the creation of Allah to submit. The Prophet Muhammad said, "No babe is born but upon Fitra (as a Muslim). It is his parents who make him a Jew or a Christian or a Polytheist." (Sahih Muslim, Book 033, Number 6426). This is why we are Muslims when we are born. If we do not submit to Allah and become his representatives on this planet, then nothing in the creation submits and cooperates with us. Both male and female unite in their submission to the creator. When we cause division within ourselves as men, we deviate in our nature. Further, everything in nature deviates in how it attaches to us. There is no longer any blessing or unity in the system of creation. Thus we have women now showing some skin and conquering males’ physical whims. On the other side, we have men violating female innocence to fulfill carnal wants by expressing whatever levels of intimacy with females necessary. We men have no right to talk about the failings of others and the community when we have not conquered our own demons. Anas bin Malik (r) narrated that the Prophet (s) said, "Make things easy for the people, and do not make it difficult for them, and make them calm (with glad tidings) and do not repulse (them).” (Bukhari, 8/146).

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

I have recently become spritually infatuated with the Quran. You ever had a taste for something, and on top of having the taste for a certain thing, you were also hungry? The different thing about the Quran and myself is that even when I get a taste of it, the thirst and hunger are not quenched. There is something that I am not getting enough of. I wonder if in this life, I will ever experience that. For now, I do not know the answer. This is where the knowledge of the self is essential. There are things that we experience in life within ourselves that we do not have the knowledge to classify, interpret, or categorize.

For example, if I had little to no knowledge about the effects of the Quran on myself both on a (meta)physical level, then I would classify this sensation that is experieinced as something completely different than what the reality is. What sensation do I speak of? There is a feeling of anxiety, anguish, tension, physical lethargy, and sometimes slight headaches when I do not recite the Quran or read from the book. These sensations (I have found through knowledge) are rectified when I read the Quran and pray.

If there was no knowledge or what is worse such as inaccurate knowledge, then different and usually detrimental actions would be taken towards ridding undesirable sensations. The scary thing about corrupt knowledge is that there are usually excuses about why a certain path towards development does not work, which sends one deeper down a path of inaccuracies.

This is why principles are the hallmark of the initial path to Muslim Masculinity. Principles are doorways that Allah gives towards knowledge of the self. Allah, God possesses the manual for making the greatest product in creation, the Human Being, work effectively and as intended. Those principles are laid out so that we are aware of our souls and ourselves. The best thing about the principle knowledge of self is the universality and flexibility. The constructs are universal, yet the application and context differ on an infinite spectrum while still maintaining the intial contructs of "Respect women", "Guard your chastity", "Be the best to your families." These are basic objective principles, yet can be applied in an infinite amount of ways, which shows the beauty of God, the beauty of his system or principles, Islam. Thus, this can show us the potential of beauty in makind when the principles are followed. This opens doorways to know ourselves and then we begin to feel and experience what we need to in order to further develop our Muslim Masculinity into the next phase.... Fortitude.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

This conversation was extremely therapeutic to me because it is always helpful especially to someone like myself to know that other people are goign through similar struggles or that they are not so far ahead of you in the road to happiness and contentment. It is also very helpful to get advice and feedback from men who are both older and younger than you about some situations you are going through. This is a habit of many women in their sharing and intimate comradery that I believe helps them live longer and cope with more internal pain than most men. Brothers of mankind do need to bond at some level or else it will lead to our spiritual and eventually our physical destruction.

Now this perception is coming from a Muslim Male perspective and it does not imply that brothers do not put sisters through their own personal hell either, however this is a Muslim Male blog. So we started talking about how the wives and women know exactly what to say to get you into extreme anger. We talked about this a little deeper and discussed how women either consciously or unconsciously try to gain emotional control. Sisters control most men through Male emotion and pride in their manhood. Nothing makes a man feel more masculine than power over someone else, especially a woman who the man has multiple levels of attraction towards (spiritual, emotional, and physical).

On the other end, nothing threatens a man's masculinity than someone calling out or questioning a male's manhood. I think that most women know this, and the ones who are twisted in their functioning know that you can control a man through diminishing their self worth to a point of stress and depression. Most women, by nature take these transgressing shots at brothers they even say that they love dearly, whether knowingly or unknowingly. This happens because women do not know what masculinity is. I say that because they may read or hear or have seen a functionaly example of it, but they have never experienced it. Even though they may tell you that they know what you are talking about, but they do not.

One example of this is my wife. My wife came from an extremely positive background witha great male role model in her father and her older brother. Furthermore, she has had many positive interactions with males. Many times I will tell my three year old son something when I am leaving. I tell him, "Make sure you take care of mommy when I am gone." If there are other women in the house, I tell him to take care of them as well. On multiple occasions my wife will ask, "he's just three, what is he going to do? Why do you keep telling him that?" That question right there showed me that she never experienced manhood, just saw it and felt it through a woman's mind and body. Most men reading this should have picked up why I said such a thing to my son. I do not expect all the women reading this to catch it. What I am doing is injecting the quality of protecting family, and responsibility for the home and the women and other children in the home at a very early age. I am doing it from a male perspective which is why a woman like my wife did not catch it. It is interactions and bonds like these between males that are necessary to pass down and perpetuate the journey to the completion of manhood.

We talked about instilling our secure form of masculinity. One of the best ways that this is done is by having interactions that bond males to a level of trust and support that reinforce what we already know. What we already know is that most of us are on our way to completing our manhood and being the best men that we can be. The Prophet (s) said in a very authentic narration that "Women are like a rib, if you try to straighten them out, then they will snap, so leave them be." I know it seems like it we take any more from our women, than we're gonna be the ones who are snapping, but that is where the model of masculinity comes in. That is the true strength. The strength of security to endure the emotional tornadoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes, that women can unleash upon us. Remember the third phase of the Masculine Development Model which is composure.

Most of the time, women, like many people project and dump their internal strife upon males and males get emotionally constipated because they deal with their own issues and whatever is dumped upon him without having a postive outlet to vent, express his concerns, or even get some advice about a trying situation. Many women on the other hand have some outlets and it is more socially acceptable for women to cry and express emotions that scientifically relieve the body of the stress and pain of many situations. Males on the other hand must maintain society's definition of masculinity and hold everything in and not show any sign of weakness. The only acceptable way to show emotion for most men in this society is anger. Anger is not supposed to be a common and consistent emotion. Anger is a defense mechanism that protects something. Anger is described by the Prophet (s) as a fire inside of us and that we must cool it down. If we are walking around 24 hours a day most days out of the year angry at some level about something, we are slowly (and sometimes quickly) killing ourselves. We must not internalize the strife of other people. We must be strong enough to ask for help from other brothers and seek advice and get along with give reinforcement to our fellow brothers in Islam and in Mankind. If we know that we can support one another and help each other then, we can be better even for our wives and our women in the community.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

What I have found is that women are much more experiential than men are. The experience of connecting and the rebeautification of self is what arouses at the deepest level. This translates into the connection between people. So how you connect with the female gender is paramount. The first thing is to have a proper intention. The proper intention is to get yourself closer to Allah with everything you do. Furthermore, if you can get the creation around you closer to Allah along with you, then that is better. The creation around you includes Women. You must want to get better, and closer to Allah in your interactions with women and the people. This must be the top priority. However it is not that simple because a decent portion of the women we meet daily we are attracted towards. Once a physical attraction comes into play, the the intention starts getting confabulated.

When we are able to move past this phase which goes in line with the Masculine Developmental Model and hold strong to our principles through our fortitude, then we are able to keep our three levels of respect. The first level of respect is the respect for God. This means getting towards a level of belief where you begin to live life as if Allah is right next to you. The second level of respect is that towards yourself. This is where your principles come into play from the Masculine Development Model. When you have principles for yourself then, regardless of how attractive someone is and how seductive they become, it does not sway you from your own personal beliefs and values. A man without principles is nothing. The third level of respect is that towards the woman. The woman comes last because if there is no respect for God or self, that whatever a woman wants to get from you, or get for you, she can get it, even if it is against your own will. She can get it against your own will because a man without self respect or low principles has no internal foundation that can weather the storm that people and their desires will throw upon you. Your self respect is the foundation of your principles. Your principles are the foundation of your manhood. Your manhood is the foundation of your being and who you are as a man in society.

Women have that intuition, but many times, they do not know it. The base of nature for a woman is to draw herself to the rebeautification and the reinforcement of the value of her soul. That comes in infinite forms throughout this world in the hundreds and thousands of groups of people that inhabit this planet. The one common denominator is that a woman want to consistently be beautified (in her own eyes, and her own way) and to reinforce her value (in her own eyes and her own way). In this particular society, most women are taught and socialized nowadays to be attractive, and really, nothing more. Attractiveness and physical desirability is the primary channel of drawing the attention needed to rebeautify and reinforce value of herself. So men are socialized to treat women on the basis of their physical and sexual desirability.

There are a few problems with that. The first big issue is that the physique has nothing to do with the woman and many of us men reading this know that all too well. Males simply get the experience they want from the body of their desire, then they move on to another one of their liking. This leaves a trail of unfulfilled and devalued souls. Not only are their souls devalued, but us men begin to devalue and hate ourselves for funnelling our self worth and our masculinity to simply how many women do we got numbers for and how many can we get naked with at will. Most people get this perception perpetuated by mass media and their peers. It gets to a point where the males of society (as in most males here in America) feel in the depth of their heart that all (or a significant portion) of masculinity is simply how many woman can you sleep with. The people who feel that way are severely confused souls.

There are a few basics after the fundamental levels of respect in how to treat a woman. The first thing is honesty, which includes being straightforward, not in a rude way, but simple and straight. The second thing is to simply be yourself. I know millions of people say this, and one of the reasons I have come to realize is that you will draw people to you (if single) or draw attention to you (if not single) that is not suitable for who you are as a person and where your situation is in life. The second thing is to make sure you are pleasant and approachable. I say this to my Muslim brothers especially because sisters and women who are in danger will more likely seek help and protection from you (which is your God given duty as a man). If you are cold and unapproachable, she may not seek help, protection, or much needed information from you since she thinks that you are not a helping spirit. Now this may draw some unwanted attractive attention to you, however, the three levels of respect are your shield from unwanted evils that is the source of your personality. The greater good is the ability for a sister or a woman to feel they have real men to depend on and protect her if in danger.

The last simple thing is to treat a woman more than the desirable piece of flesh that stand before you. There really is much more to her than that. There is much more to her that will benefit you. Remember in the Quran that Woman (Eve) was created from Adam's body. So there is some secret, some part of ourselves that reside within them that can most certainly be the key to our success if we only knew. There will be more pieces on how to properly treat a woman, but this should suffice for now.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

The way to approach this attitude is two fold. First is to try and develop and model this attitude for our men as number of us were not exposed to a proper work ethics and functional homes where work and contributing to society is something that is valued and enforced. If the person does not choose to develop his work ethic for the sake of himself, then provide an incentive outside of himself that he will work towards. However, there are people who are just plain lazy and wish not to better themselves. In that case, you try to stimulate the community economy through them as people with this characteristic will spend whatever they have on themselves. In doing that, they will find a business to give money for their whims. That in itself will perpetuate the economy. Once you have those business owners in the community on the same or a similar page, then they themselves can invest into the community.

Writing this particular blog entry is hard work as I have worked (at the time of typing this) an eight hour day with no break, no breakfast or lunch. I am dead tired and have eaten something after coming back home. In my fatigue I found inspiration to put in another blog entry. It is hard and the words are not coming in as easily, but as the intention is to bring something positive into the world, I am hopeful that this will do that. I would like our men in humanity to work hard and continue to work towards something. This does not necessarily mean they need to work for someone else, but it does mean that they need to work towards something. It could be your own business, a cause, a belief in something positive, work to develop self, or most importantly work towards developing the bond and relationships within family, and between families.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

We have spiritual aspects that we must fulfill. Women are apart of that spirituality as they bring out something in us. They present us with the ability to test ourselves and our desires and strengths. The completion of Manhood and our destiny has to involve both men and women into that spiritual journey. Men support and reinforce one another in the journey and women provide the level of intimacy and support where they share along with you the man the creation and development of new life in our youth. We want our communities and our locales to be sustainable. Plants grow, die in the winter, then come back again because they have something sustainable. Now I have heard the argument many times. "There are so many kids out there who need parents and families they can go to; we already have plenty of kids to sustain Humanity." That argument may hold some wait temporarily because the vast majority of people are sexual exclusively with the opposite sex. Lets take this further though. What if most people were gay? What if everyone was gay? Humanity, due to lack of reproduction would eventually become extinct. So perhaps it is most healthy to keep homosexuality to a bare minimum. What would we show our youth in terms of how to treat the opposite sex in terms of perpetuating families? It could very well be that women and men would not be able to have functioning enough relationships, nor the desire to attain that to the point of creating family and sustaining Humanity. These are some of the issues raised. It is definitely a test and a struggle for all of us to complete our journey to Manhood. Homosexual acts and leaving out the other half of the Human Race in terms of perpetuation is definitely one of those struggles to be overcome.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

For example, I am scared of mice and bees (just do not like them). However, a fear of mine as in most men is being seen as weak and vulnerable while letting the blessing of God escape my life. The emotion I feel towards bees and mice are temporary and only there when I see them, however the fear is always there constantly and incessantly.

Responsibility is something tangible or intangible (like thoughts, relationships, ideas, promises, etc.) that we are accountable for. Whether or not an error or a mistake happened directly or indirectly because of what we men did, if that thing was under the realm of our responsibility, then we are held accountable. That is the price we pay for having the power and the influence in the world that we do. We are simply responsible for things that are under our realm of responsibility. This goes for leadership within the home, outside the home, in other institutions, and most importantly, within ourselves. Connecting this to the Male Development Model, if we are not responsible for our own principles in our first stage towards achieving completion of manhood, then we will never get past that stage. I am talking about fear and responsibility because something happened to me lately that connected these two elements.

Recently I had a situation where I had a few options for a new job. The first job to accept me was closest to my passion of working with kids and having a great time being youthful. This job however, was the shortest term and the lowest paying in comparison the other jobs. I am very passionate about the other job options but this one was very special, it was also offered to me by someone I respect very much. I did however decide to leave the first option as I was starting as I was looking for more financial stability.

The way that I declined the first offer was not the best or timeliest manner. I had an oversight and completely forgot about and missed a training for the first offer. Furthermore, my oversight and lack of timeliness to make a decision to decline hampered some of their funding as they had already invested in me for further training. The other options were coming in as the first job had begun. Those other options offered more pay and longer terms. The key to this story was that I did not say I was looking for other options to the first job until I was pretty sure I had the other options solidified. This omission of information in conjunction with a missed training left a bad impression on the first option. The main thing is I felt really bad (and still do) as I believe I lost the respect of someone I respect highly. The question is why did I do this?

The answer is that I had a fear. I feared I would not have a way of providing for my family if I told them I was looking around at other options and they perhaps would let me go. So I said nothing until I thought the other jobs were solidified. That is what was going on in my head, and fear can make you do some irrational things. The responsibility comes in with the position I had accepted and the word that I gave when I accepted their offer. Now that I have since declined, the backlash essentially is that I must reimburse the money that was already spent on me as it is public grant money and they are working on a very tight budget. I will gladly do so and pay back each penny invested. I would also like to volunteer and help those kids through my other connections. This is not about looking good online or saying the right things that will make people clap inside of their hearts. This is about responsibility. When you make a mistake, small or big, it is the owning up to the accountability and the consequences that come afterwards.

Responsibility is not being perfect; it is how you handle yourself and other people when things are not perfect. I definitely have some things to work on in my journey towards the completion of manhood, and one of those things is how to act when I am wrong. Most men and people in general know how to act when they are right and something goes their way. The issue comes in when people are wrong, incorrect, and mistaken. This is where fear and responsibility come in as many men have a fear of being wrong and having a weakness attributed to the mistake at hand. The strength in actuality comes in when a man can take responsibility in being right and in being wrong.

How do we handle when we are right? How do we make other people feel? Usually, most of us rub it in their faces and reinforce their fear of being wrong around us. So then it stops being about the pursuit of betterment and manhood and starts being more about our vain desires to accumulate as many “correct points” as possible to validate our distance from our fear and insecurity of being wrong.

We need to handle being correct with respect and our positive principles, no matter how passionate the argument was before the verdict. We need to put an end to people’s fears of being wrong around us and we need to stand up to our responsibilities and not let our fear evacuate us from what we are accountable over. When we can handle both our fears and responsibilities like Men, then we are that much closer to achieving our completion of Manhood.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.