We are taught to do four things to maintain our self control. In the next entry we will speak in detail about how controlling these four things will unlock ourselves to self control. These four things are making sure we eat less, sleep less, talk less (frivolously), and socialize less (frivolously). When a man can control these four things, then he is well on his way to total self control.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Our males who act tough yet have little esteem and confidence in themselves and their lord can perpetuate astronomical amounts of division and destruction. This is because the method of filling the void inside ourselves has no blessing in it. It goes against what the way Allah told us to change our condition. The women become an expression of our own wishes. If we do not keep ourselves modest and chaste, then our women will reflect that condition. People make their own decisions, but most choose to follow their own desires. One of the signs of following our own desires is leaving the way of the Prophet (s) and point the finger by spewing negativity into the world. It does not unite us, further it leaves us in a spiritually stagnant state, which is where Shaytan would like us to remain for eternity.

The solution to become united is clear. We get rid of our own filth inside ourselves. That means leave the sins that we know we do. We need to perform our five pillars to the utmost perfection we can give it. We then should leave that which Allah and his Prophet emphatically forbade. If that stage is reached, then we should begin doing the acts that Allah and his prophet believed desirable. Always remember, the strength of a building, like our pillars we have in Islam is not in the outside, it is the strength built within. Verily (as the Prophet (s) is oft quoted) our actions are judged based on our intentions (Bukhari & Muslim). So whoever goes on this journey to please Allah, then he will get what he wants. Whoever goes on this journey for a woman, he will get what he wants. Make sure the intents are pure before going down the path of development. Remember, we cannot reach our potential without the help of Allah.

This development takes time and it takes a tremendous amount of humility because we find out how much dirt is inside. This is why Allah said in the first chapter (Al Fatihah) and fifth verse: “You alone we worship and you alone we come to for help.” He also said in the 103rd chapter (Al Asr) in the first and second verse: “By time; verily mankind is at a loss.” My brothers and sisters, we are at a loss. This is our nature: to be at a loss without Allah. So do not be discouraged and feel too bad to come back to Allah for Allah is ever and infinitely merciful and He wants you to need Him. He created us to be united in our need of Him. When we feel like we do not need others and can sit on our so-called stools of piety and point fingers, it will only corrupt ourselves. We must rise above that, men and women to something better.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Islam gives the ability to the person should they chose to do what Allah said and change the condition of their own hearts. Let us remember Islam is a peaceful submission to Allah, thus we bear witness there is No God but Allah and Muhammad (s) is his messenger. If we do not come in willing to submit to Allah and his will on us, then we will never reach the potential Islam can offer us. We bring in too much baggage and corruption. It’s like a person who has not bathed and wears musty clothes going into a neighbor’s house. Further, the person with the repulsive stench begins to say how bad the house smells in the house and chastises the owners for not taking care of the house! This is what we do every day when we speak ill of our community with low development. We bring our own baggage, deny there are smelly things inside ourselves, and then we speak about the corrupted affairs of a community we have the privilege of belonging to.

We submit to either one of two categories: the Creator or the created. Either way, everyone you see walking has submitted to something. It is our nature as humanity and as the creation of Allah to submit. The Prophet Muhammad said, "No babe is born but upon Fitra (as a Muslim). It is his parents who make him a Jew or a Christian or a Polytheist." (Sahih Muslim, Book 033, Number 6426). This is why we are Muslims when we are born. If we do not submit to Allah and become his representatives on this planet, then nothing in the creation submits and cooperates with us. Both male and female unite in their submission to the creator. When we cause division within ourselves as men, we deviate in our nature. Further, everything in nature deviates in how it attaches to us. There is no longer any blessing or unity in the system of creation. Thus we have women now showing some skin and conquering males’ physical whims. On the other side, we have men violating female innocence to fulfill carnal wants by expressing whatever levels of intimacy with females necessary. We men have no right to talk about the failings of others and the community when we have not conquered our own demons. Anas bin Malik (r) narrated that the Prophet (s) said, "Make things easy for the people, and do not make it difficult for them, and make them calm (with glad tidings) and do not repulse (them).” (Bukhari, 8/146).

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

This conversation was extremely therapeutic to me because it is always helpful especially to someone like myself to know that other people are goign through similar struggles or that they are not so far ahead of you in the road to happiness and contentment. It is also very helpful to get advice and feedback from men who are both older and younger than you about some situations you are going through. This is a habit of many women in their sharing and intimate comradery that I believe helps them live longer and cope with more internal pain than most men. Brothers of mankind do need to bond at some level or else it will lead to our spiritual and eventually our physical destruction.

Now this perception is coming from a Muslim Male perspective and it does not imply that brothers do not put sisters through their own personal hell either, however this is a Muslim Male blog. So we started talking about how the wives and women know exactly what to say to get you into extreme anger. We talked about this a little deeper and discussed how women either consciously or unconsciously try to gain emotional control. Sisters control most men through Male emotion and pride in their manhood. Nothing makes a man feel more masculine than power over someone else, especially a woman who the man has multiple levels of attraction towards (spiritual, emotional, and physical).

On the other end, nothing threatens a man's masculinity than someone calling out or questioning a male's manhood. I think that most women know this, and the ones who are twisted in their functioning know that you can control a man through diminishing their self worth to a point of stress and depression. Most women, by nature take these transgressing shots at brothers they even say that they love dearly, whether knowingly or unknowingly. This happens because women do not know what masculinity is. I say that because they may read or hear or have seen a functionaly example of it, but they have never experienced it. Even though they may tell you that they know what you are talking about, but they do not.

One example of this is my wife. My wife came from an extremely positive background witha great male role model in her father and her older brother. Furthermore, she has had many positive interactions with males. Many times I will tell my three year old son something when I am leaving. I tell him, "Make sure you take care of mommy when I am gone." If there are other women in the house, I tell him to take care of them as well. On multiple occasions my wife will ask, "he's just three, what is he going to do? Why do you keep telling him that?" That question right there showed me that she never experienced manhood, just saw it and felt it through a woman's mind and body. Most men reading this should have picked up why I said such a thing to my son. I do not expect all the women reading this to catch it. What I am doing is injecting the quality of protecting family, and responsibility for the home and the women and other children in the home at a very early age. I am doing it from a male perspective which is why a woman like my wife did not catch it. It is interactions and bonds like these between males that are necessary to pass down and perpetuate the journey to the completion of manhood.

We talked about instilling our secure form of masculinity. One of the best ways that this is done is by having interactions that bond males to a level of trust and support that reinforce what we already know. What we already know is that most of us are on our way to completing our manhood and being the best men that we can be. The Prophet (s) said in a very authentic narration that "Women are like a rib, if you try to straighten them out, then they will snap, so leave them be." I know it seems like it we take any more from our women, than we're gonna be the ones who are snapping, but that is where the model of masculinity comes in. That is the true strength. The strength of security to endure the emotional tornadoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes, that women can unleash upon us. Remember the third phase of the Masculine Development Model which is composure.

Most of the time, women, like many people project and dump their internal strife upon males and males get emotionally constipated because they deal with their own issues and whatever is dumped upon him without having a postive outlet to vent, express his concerns, or even get some advice about a trying situation. Many women on the other hand have some outlets and it is more socially acceptable for women to cry and express emotions that scientifically relieve the body of the stress and pain of many situations. Males on the other hand must maintain society's definition of masculinity and hold everything in and not show any sign of weakness. The only acceptable way to show emotion for most men in this society is anger. Anger is not supposed to be a common and consistent emotion. Anger is a defense mechanism that protects something. Anger is described by the Prophet (s) as a fire inside of us and that we must cool it down. If we are walking around 24 hours a day most days out of the year angry at some level about something, we are slowly (and sometimes quickly) killing ourselves. We must not internalize the strife of other people. We must be strong enough to ask for help from other brothers and seek advice and get along with give reinforcement to our fellow brothers in Islam and in Mankind. If we know that we can support one another and help each other then, we can be better even for our wives and our women in the community.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

The way to approach this attitude is two fold. First is to try and develop and model this attitude for our men as number of us were not exposed to a proper work ethics and functional homes where work and contributing to society is something that is valued and enforced. If the person does not choose to develop his work ethic for the sake of himself, then provide an incentive outside of himself that he will work towards. However, there are people who are just plain lazy and wish not to better themselves. In that case, you try to stimulate the community economy through them as people with this characteristic will spend whatever they have on themselves. In doing that, they will find a business to give money for their whims. That in itself will perpetuate the economy. Once you have those business owners in the community on the same or a similar page, then they themselves can invest into the community.

Writing this particular blog entry is hard work as I have worked (at the time of typing this) an eight hour day with no break, no breakfast or lunch. I am dead tired and have eaten something after coming back home. In my fatigue I found inspiration to put in another blog entry. It is hard and the words are not coming in as easily, but as the intention is to bring something positive into the world, I am hopeful that this will do that. I would like our men in humanity to work hard and continue to work towards something. This does not necessarily mean they need to work for someone else, but it does mean that they need to work towards something. It could be your own business, a cause, a belief in something positive, work to develop self, or most importantly work towards developing the bond and relationships within family, and between families.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

We have spiritual aspects that we must fulfill. Women are apart of that spirituality as they bring out something in us. They present us with the ability to test ourselves and our desires and strengths. The completion of Manhood and our destiny has to involve both men and women into that spiritual journey. Men support and reinforce one another in the journey and women provide the level of intimacy and support where they share along with you the man the creation and development of new life in our youth. We want our communities and our locales to be sustainable. Plants grow, die in the winter, then come back again because they have something sustainable. Now I have heard the argument many times. "There are so many kids out there who need parents and families they can go to; we already have plenty of kids to sustain Humanity." That argument may hold some wait temporarily because the vast majority of people are sexual exclusively with the opposite sex. Lets take this further though. What if most people were gay? What if everyone was gay? Humanity, due to lack of reproduction would eventually become extinct. So perhaps it is most healthy to keep homosexuality to a bare minimum. What would we show our youth in terms of how to treat the opposite sex in terms of perpetuating families? It could very well be that women and men would not be able to have functioning enough relationships, nor the desire to attain that to the point of creating family and sustaining Humanity. These are some of the issues raised. It is definitely a test and a struggle for all of us to complete our journey to Manhood. Homosexual acts and leaving out the other half of the Human Race in terms of perpetuation is definitely one of those struggles to be overcome.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.