What is in fact being tease by the woman and the life of this world is something that cannot be touched or held. It is the peace and pleasure of God. We as men are fooled by the notion that if you smoke this substance, if you lay with this woman, if you own this much stuff, then you will obtain that. This is completely false. So why do most of our brothers go along with this charade? It is a lack of spiritual sight. Everything in masculinity comes from the first stage of the Masculine Development Model: Principles. When a man holds certain principles then it gives the foundation for you to see the truth. Most of us have experienced that the truth of Allah is not as it seems to us. When we lack principles, then it takes away our vision and our spiritual foresight. We are no longer aware of things that make sense and start to rationalize things that do not make common sense. This is when we know we are being tantalized.
 

Life is just a tease. We make it a tease because we tease ourselves into this irrational thinking that if we indulge in something physical, then spiritual pleasure will be the result. Most people are conviced if you give them enoough money then, they will be happy in their heart. Muhammad S said that 'contentment is true wealth'. Contentment is the spiritual state of being pleased with what Allah has given us as human beings.  So no matter what we have as individuals, we should do our utmost to be happy with it, especially when God blesses us with abundance.  If we keep buying into the phony power of the almighty dollar, sexual encounter, drug, or power, then we will be in eternal tantalization and will never get the carrot at the end of the rope.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

My professor was telling me a story of an extreme case of this entitlement. He was at the gas station and there were a couple young guys. There was also a young lady. They all were around college aged. the young lady walks by the young man. As most people do in this society, we walk by many people without greeting them or acknowledging them especially when we are in the middle of doing something. This young lady did the same thing to the guy, just simply walked by. I guess since the young lady was attractive to the young man, the man got really angry. In fact, he was enfuriated. When I first heard this, it baffled me . It confused me so much that I honestly did not know what the guy was angry about. This guy was so angry that when he, his friend and the young lady were outside, he started yelling at her in public! He admonished her about walking by without any acknowledgement. She graciously deflected him, but after hearing that story, I am overwhelmed with negative emotions concerning our state of masculinity in this generation.

The level of immaturity that stemmed from entitlement is astronomical! These ideas that any woman who looks good is required to talk to a dude is absolutely obsurd. When I grew up, men earned attention from women. If someone walked by without saying anything, then nothing personal or negative was interpreted. It seems that these poisons from the media are injecting these ideas into male and female minds. So let us set the record straight using Halim's Masculine Development model. Men, males, my brothers, you are not entitled to crap! This is your first principle. The only thing a male is entitled to is basic human respect and decency. That is on the condition that you show it to other members of the human family.

This is the principle that needs to be instilled into our males rather than exploding when someone attractive does not give you the attention you deserve. If a male stays down that road in life, then they will surely spell their own demise sooner than later. True Islamic Masculinity is living your life knowing everything is a blessing from God. You know that everything good that happens to you is something that you do not deserve. You feel as if it is a manifestation of Allah's love for you. When something bad happens to you, then you know that it is a situation that God is using that will make you stronger. Either way, you continually develop in your manhood. Do not feel entitled to stuff, even though you may do a lot to help the people. Do know that God is entitled to infinitely more you we can ever imagine. All he wants from us my brothers is to live in servitude to Him, not feel entitled to his services. Our submission to the creator is what gives us a power and bounties that supercede the imagination of anyone. This all occurs when we rid ourselves of the entitilement in our hearts.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

When we do our proper acts of worship, such as the prayer, then Allah gives our soul a different perspective of life. We start to feel differently about things. We start to believe the reality that we have more control over our lives. Things start to have a rhythm and flow in a certain direction. When situations occur, we do not see them as disconnected or mere anomalies of nature. We start to see the events in our life as a theme of our development. Let us remember Halim's Masculine Development model. Certain things happen to people who are developing the first stage which is our principles. Different events will occur when we are in the next phase being Fortitude. Self Control is about the third stage, which is Composure.

Composure is complete self control. It is the ability to control all things within ourself. In doing so, wer are given more responsibility towards the other creation including people. The most important thing we must control is the spritiual desire within ourselves. This part of ourself is called the Nafs. The Nafs is the part of ourselves that has an infinite level of greed and desire. It is the 'monster' within us. It is the source of our lust, our sloth, our gluttony, and our arrogance which will lead to hate of all things and ultimately, hatred of ourselves. It also seats the baser emotions like anger, jealousy, our malice, violent imagery. The pure emotions come from the pure and good part of ourselves like pure joy and happiness, sadness, fear, pain, love, etc.

The more that we sin, the less control we will have in our lives. This is because our Nafs will gain more power over ourselves. We will start to have a corrupted lens of the world and its people. We will then start to feel that the world hates us or is out to get us when in fact it is we who hate ourselves. This is where distorted displays of manhood start to show themselves. It is because we do not know how to show power, strength, and control with humility. We buy in to the society's definition of strength and masculine. Through the sinning of others, they influence the definitions that we have of ourselves. In fact, it should be ourselves that influence others. The anger, the anxiety, and other manifestations of fear are signs that we possess little control over ourselves. The way to acheive this is to worship, pray, and look at all things as connected. Once we put our faith in Allah, our situation will change for the better. We will experience a deeper level of calm. Others will have that experience when they are around us. When we gain more control of ourselves, we will have control over everything.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

We are taught to do four things to maintain our self control. In the next entry we will speak in detail about how controlling these four things will unlock ourselves to self control. These four things are making sure we eat less, sleep less, talk less (frivolously), and socialize less (frivolously). When a man can control these four things, then he is well on his way to total self control.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

We blame our primitive behavior on our anger which does no good towards our personal and masculine development. Many of our males say that they have a short temper or are quick to be angered as if it is some type of strength. It most certainly is not a strength to be angered almost instantly. The Prophet (s) was approached by a man. The man asked the Prophet (s) for some advice to develop his faith. The Prophet (s) said "do not get angry." Then the man asked for some other advice, the Prophet (s) again said "do not get angry." The same thing happened for a third time as well. Many lessons come out of this. I can name a few.

The Prophet (s) got angry many times in his life. His (s) anger and the anger of most males in this day are completely different. The Prophet (s) was not angered on his own accord. His (s) anger was coming from someone knowing violating the faith that Allah set out for the world. Most of us get angry because of something selfish such as our own feelings or whims. Anger is not bad, it is a very good and useful tool to fire up the soul towards something good, be it defending the people, the religion, and under proper circumstances, defending the self. Anger should be used in the proper portions. A human being cannot thrive and be angry continuously. A human being can love, hope, appreciate, care and be happy continuously and thrive.

These are emotions which connect us to the creation. Anger is an emotion that isolates. Be it that we isolate ourselves from others or a small group or band of people towards others. The point of anger is a disconnect between one thing and the other. A man who can have control of the internal fire that is his anger can control many other aspects of his life. Since most men cannot control themselves, we compensate our lack of control for showing how much tangible power and ownership over things we possess in the world. The need for compensating means that there is something missing. What is missing is that naturally as Human Beings we have to have a control over our internal system. Failure to do so results in an imbalance in the person's nature and the nature of things around the person.

We must do as the prophet (s) said when we get angry. The first thing is to perform abolution as water can wipe out the fire that is our anger. If we are still angry, then we are to sit down. If we are still angry, we then are to lay down. Stupid things happen when a man is standing up and active while being angred. The Prophet (s) brilliantly shows to the constant act of trying to control oneself by making abolution, sitting and laying. While those acts in themselves may not completely rid us of our anger, we have demonstrated some level of self control within our physical actions. Hopefully from that first step towards the control that we are supposed to demonstrate as properly developed men.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

We have been placed on this planet as representatives of Allah towards the creation. Every position of leadership is to represent and serve a certain contingency of other people. All leaders represent something or someone. What happens to most leaders is that leaders let their position get to their corrupted part of their soul. Leaders begin to think that they are in no need of the people or contingencies that they in fact are supposed to represent. We do the same thing towards God. We are placed here to represent what Allah does to the creation which is unconditionally benefit and prosper all that is around us. We have capabilities that enable us to conquer what is around us, and since we can do so, we engage in that behavior. We fall further into that corruption to a point where we neither are concious of God, nor do we even think that we are in need of Him. This is what we call arrogance.

Confidence functions like hope or faith in oneself and the abilities that are bestowed onto us. This proper context of confidence is not outside the realm of dependency on God. We still need Allah. We still look to him for help. At the same time, we still have faith that we can accomplish a task set out for us. For example, when I was younger (about 10 years old) I played on a football team. Every Saturday for two mothns I would go out with my team and compete against another team. Allah bestowed upon me and many of my other teammates a high level of talent in football for kids that age. So I would pray to God before each game to aid us in victory. At the same time, I also had a high level of confidence going into each game that we were going to win. This confidence was not without Allah's help, but it was a faith that my team and I were given something by God to defeat the opposing team. Arrogance is different in that a person would feel that they do not need the help of God or anyone else to win. They would feel that their ability was their own and is inherently better than most or even all others. Real men are confident, not arrogant.

We as men get pushed, urged, and seduced into being arrogant seemingly by every form or media (including people). Nearly all of us fall into it because in our distorted perception of manhood, we have fallen into thinking that this is a form of strength. Let us remember from the Masculine Development Model that the second step after having principles is possessing the fortitude to withstand all the forces that aim to diminish the principles we have. Ultimate strength is the control over self. When one can completely control the self, then no one can control him save God. This is because the only principles that can withstand the natural deviants and poisons of our Human Nature are the Principles of Allah. The higher the level and more developed one becomes on this path to masculinity, the more of the world that will be subjugated to him. It will be subjugated to him to spread mercy and not oppression.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Our males who act tough yet have little esteem and confidence in themselves and their lord can perpetuate astronomical amounts of division and destruction. This is because the method of filling the void inside ourselves has no blessing in it. It goes against what the way Allah told us to change our condition. The women become an expression of our own wishes. If we do not keep ourselves modest and chaste, then our women will reflect that condition. People make their own decisions, but most choose to follow their own desires. One of the signs of following our own desires is leaving the way of the Prophet (s) and point the finger by spewing negativity into the world. It does not unite us, further it leaves us in a spiritually stagnant state, which is where Shaytan would like us to remain for eternity.

The solution to become united is clear. We get rid of our own filth inside ourselves. That means leave the sins that we know we do. We need to perform our five pillars to the utmost perfection we can give it. We then should leave that which Allah and his Prophet emphatically forbade. If that stage is reached, then we should begin doing the acts that Allah and his prophet believed desirable. Always remember, the strength of a building, like our pillars we have in Islam is not in the outside, it is the strength built within. Verily (as the Prophet (s) is oft quoted) our actions are judged based on our intentions (Bukhari & Muslim). So whoever goes on this journey to please Allah, then he will get what he wants. Whoever goes on this journey for a woman, he will get what he wants. Make sure the intents are pure before going down the path of development. Remember, we cannot reach our potential without the help of Allah.

This development takes time and it takes a tremendous amount of humility because we find out how much dirt is inside. This is why Allah said in the first chapter (Al Fatihah) and fifth verse: “You alone we worship and you alone we come to for help.” He also said in the 103rd chapter (Al Asr) in the first and second verse: “By time; verily mankind is at a loss.” My brothers and sisters, we are at a loss. This is our nature: to be at a loss without Allah. So do not be discouraged and feel too bad to come back to Allah for Allah is ever and infinitely merciful and He wants you to need Him. He created us to be united in our need of Him. When we feel like we do not need others and can sit on our so-called stools of piety and point fingers, it will only corrupt ourselves. We must rise above that, men and women to something better.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

I was tested a couple weeks back. I had to propose my study for my dissertation. I am a doctoral student going for my Ph. D. in Counseling Psychology. After a student has taken all the classes and taken the comprehensive exams that test your knowledge of the field in general, you then have two things left: 1. write your dissertation and 2. go on a year long internship. A big step in the dissertation and towards the internship is passing what is called a proposal. This is when you propose to your selected committee of professors what you will do for your study. They sign when they are completely satisfied. A year ago when I first tried, they did not sign. This year, I was nearly positive they would. They actually were about to, but there was an oversight on my part. I thought I printed out papers for some professors prior to the meeting, and apparently they did not get them. This was a critical oversight. Alas, the papers did not get signed again. The good news is that my professor said I am fine to go out on internship and keep progressing towards my Ph. D. However, the bad news was that I got rejected a second time and felt like feces.

It is at this point when a man begins to lose hope. When a man does not get what he really wants, he gets extremely angry. If there are no principles ingrained in that man, then the results are pretty destructive to himself and others. This is the power of fortitude. Fortitude is the ability to fend off forces that try to tear you away from your principles. It does not matter who you are or what you do as a man, your principles will be tested. So the test was laying there in a bed of corruption trying to seduce me away from my principles. I could have taken the easier path and be negative and angry towards everyone and walked down a fiery path of self sorrow. I could have done these things because of arrogance. The arrogance being that I just being me, deserves whatever I want. Thats a dangerous road, and an easy one to follow.

What I also could have done, was take the advice and feedback from the professors, pick myself up and get dusted off and keep working on perfecting my papers. I could move forward and look at this situation as the test it indeed was, and take it with as big a smile as I could muster up. That is what I chose to do. I had the principles of the three levels of respect: 1. Respect for self 2. respect for others 3. most Importantly, respect for God. I was not going to be torn away from those principles. That force, that bond that kept me and my principles attached in this very trying situation was fortitude. Incessantly fighting off urges to spiral downward can weather the soul if not fought off tactfully. This is where composure comes in. We will speak of composure soon.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Many times I see the people mix up and confuse others with both terms and constructs. People attribute the deficiencies of Muslim Masculinity towards Islam as a way of living and Islamic Masculinity. First and foremost do know that people who take that stance are severely mistaken. Secondly, also know that what a man does who claims to be Muslim does not speak towards the essence of Islam and what Allah, God was trying to convey to mankind. The goal of Muslim Masculinity is to reach towards a perfect and ideal Islamic Masculinity. The channel that fills the gap between the two is The Masculine Development Model.

The differences between Islamic and Muslim masculinity are pretty simple, though to many it may seem like a miniscule nuance. The point of a Muslim man is to completely submit to Allah, to God, which means give everything in his soul and in his being away in order to get as close to Allah as possible. Why, you may ask? Because it is our nature. No one asks why Lemons taste bitter or why fire is hot, or water is transparent in its natural and pure state. No one asks because they inherently come to know that those characteristics are clearly the nature of those created things. It is just the way they were made. Such is the case of man in that submission to creator and initiator of all things is the most fundamental part of our nature as human beings.

Between 90-99% of our men in Mankind have a distorted view of masculinity. Usually masculinity is interlaced with a high dose of arrogance because the fundamental characteristic of manhood is to have some level of autonomy and some level of power and control. Having these inside the psyche and the heart marginalizes God and the role he has to play in the affairs of the creation. Arrogance is simply the feeling that you are completely self sufficient at some level, and that you are in no need of God's help and assistance. There are so many messages in the world that put out this message of arrogance and equate that to being the 'ultimate man'. There is no room in the mind and heart to submit to Allah if you feel like you do not need him. That right now unfortunately is the state of Muslim Masculinity, and we are trying to move the people towards the Masculinity of God, the Masculinity of Islam (Islamic Masculinity) that was created for us to fulfill our nature.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

I have recently become spritually infatuated with the Quran. You ever had a taste for something, and on top of having the taste for a certain thing, you were also hungry? The different thing about the Quran and myself is that even when I get a taste of it, the thirst and hunger are not quenched. There is something that I am not getting enough of. I wonder if in this life, I will ever experience that. For now, I do not know the answer. This is where the knowledge of the self is essential. There are things that we experience in life within ourselves that we do not have the knowledge to classify, interpret, or categorize.

For example, if I had little to no knowledge about the effects of the Quran on myself both on a (meta)physical level, then I would classify this sensation that is experieinced as something completely different than what the reality is. What sensation do I speak of? There is a feeling of anxiety, anguish, tension, physical lethargy, and sometimes slight headaches when I do not recite the Quran or read from the book. These sensations (I have found through knowledge) are rectified when I read the Quran and pray.

If there was no knowledge or what is worse such as inaccurate knowledge, then different and usually detrimental actions would be taken towards ridding undesirable sensations. The scary thing about corrupt knowledge is that there are usually excuses about why a certain path towards development does not work, which sends one deeper down a path of inaccuracies.

This is why principles are the hallmark of the initial path to Muslim Masculinity. Principles are doorways that Allah gives towards knowledge of the self. Allah, God possesses the manual for making the greatest product in creation, the Human Being, work effectively and as intended. Those principles are laid out so that we are aware of our souls and ourselves. The best thing about the principle knowledge of self is the universality and flexibility. The constructs are universal, yet the application and context differ on an infinite spectrum while still maintaining the intial contructs of "Respect women", "Guard your chastity", "Be the best to your families." These are basic objective principles, yet can be applied in an infinite amount of ways, which shows the beauty of God, the beauty of his system or principles, Islam. Thus, this can show us the potential of beauty in makind when the principles are followed. This opens doorways to know ourselves and then we begin to feel and experience what we need to in order to further develop our Muslim Masculinity into the next phase.... Fortitude.

©2010 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.