Halim Naeem.com » Rejection

Emotional Control and Muslim Masculinity…

halim — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 14:48:36 +0000

A man that can control himself can control his universe. Emotional control is arguably the most significant deficit we have within Muslim Masculinity on this planet. The globalization of western Euro-American culture confines most sentimental emotions into one manifestation: Anger. It does not seem to matter of a man is hurt, sad, depressed, anxious, scared or anything else. The acceptable way to maintain this deformed definition of masculinity is to be angry and act without reason.

We blame our primitive behavior on our anger which does no good towards our personal and masculine development. Many of our males say that they have a short temper or are quick to be angered as if it is some type of strength. It most certainly is not a strength to be angered almost instantly. The Prophet (s) was approached by a man. The man asked the Prophet (s) for some advice to develop his faith. The Prophet (s) said "do not get angry." Then the man asked for some other advice, the Prophet (s) again said "do not get angry." The same thing happened for a third time as well. Many lessons come out of this. I can name a few.

The Prophet (s) got angry many times in his life. His (s) anger and the anger of most males in this day are completely different. The Prophet (s) was not angered on his own accord. His (s) anger was coming from someone knowing violating the faith that Allah set out for the world. Most of us get angry because of something selfish such as our own feelings or whims. Anger is not bad, it is a very good and useful tool to fire up the soul towards something good, be it defending the people, the religion, and under proper circumstances, defending the self. Anger should be used in the proper portions. A human being cannot thrive and be angry continuously. A human being can love, hope, appreciate, care and be happy continuously and thrive.

These are emotions which connect us to the creation. Anger is an emotion that isolates. Be it that we isolate ourselves from others or a small group or band of people towards others. The point of anger is a disconnect between one thing and the other. A man who can have control of the internal fire that is his anger can control many other aspects of his life. Since most men cannot control themselves, we compensate our lack of control for showing how much tangible power and ownership over things we possess in the world. The need for compensating means that there is something missing. What is missing is that naturally as Human Beings we have to have a control over our internal system. Failure to do so results in an imbalance in the person's nature and the nature of things around the person.

We must do as the prophet (s) said when we get angry. The first thing is to perform abolution as water can wipe out the fire that is our anger. If we are still angry, then we are to sit down. If we are still angry, we then are to lay down. Stupid things happen when a man is standing up and active while being angred. The Prophet (s) brilliantly shows to the constant act of trying to control oneself by making abolution, sitting and laying. While those acts in themselves may not completely rid us of our anger, we have demonstrated some level of self control within our physical actions. Hopefully from that first step towards the control that we are supposed to demonstrate as properly developed men.

Unity: It Starts with U (Part 4 of 5)…

halim — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 05:06:41 +0000

There is great news. Even though there is division within the Muslims, the great news is that a portion of the Muslim Ummah is united and will always be united. Allah says so in the Quran about this section of Muslims called Mu’minoon (believers). Allah says in the 49th chapter (Al Hujarat) in the 10th verse: The Believers are but a single Brotherhood: So make peace and harmony between your two (contending) brothers; and fear Allah, that ye may receive Mercy. Allah declares that we are always united if we are believers.

Mu’minoon are those who have attained faith, which is different than a Muslim. Allah says in the 49th chapter (Hujarat) verse 14: The desert Arabs say, "We believe." Say, "Ye have no faith; but ye (only) say, 'We have submitted our wills to Allah.' For not yet has Faith entered your hearts. But if ye obey Allah and His Messenger, He will not belittle aught of your deeds: for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." Mu’minoon is in a much higher league than a Muslim. There are characteristics of spiritual development in a Mu’min that is different from a Muslim’s. One of those characteristics we have already discussed in that a believer never backbites. However, Muslims do backbite. It is a sin and we should ask forgiveness, but we are still Muslim if we do it. A believer stops being a believer if he does such an act. Lying is an act that a believer cannot perform. A Muslim however, can stay Muslim and lie. It is a sin, but again we are still Muslim. The list goes on. What you have are two different types of people.

There are two different levels of submissions to Allah. When we submit to Allah at the level of a Mu’min, then we automatically have the characteristics and requirements fulfilled to enter the house clean and pure. Further, we will speak of the good things in the house and remain silent about the bad since the Iman in our heart is thankful that Allah has put us in such a situation. Thus, the believers are united as Allah has said many times. We should pray that we join the community of the believers.

Fortitude towards Islamic Masculinity…

halim — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 15:12:51 +0000

Remember we talked about the difference between Islamic Masculinity and Muslim Masculinity. Islamic Masculinity is the goal, the endpoint where Allah wants us to be as men of his creation. Muslim masculinity is the road to get to that goal. A significant checkpoint on that road to the completion of manhood and the desirable state of Islamic Masculinity is Fortitude. Webster defines fortitude as strength of mind that enables a person to encounter danger or bear pain or adversity with courage. It is the next step after a man attaches to and lives by his principles. Once a man has some principles, the next situation to occur is that those principles will be tested. This is where the adversity, pain, and other obstacles come into play. A man needs to have the internal strength to bear the burdens of these various tests of ones character. Once the principles are in place they must be assessed to determine how strong those principles are, thus determining how strong you are as a man.

I was tested a couple weeks back. I had to propose my study for my dissertation. I am a doctoral student going for my Ph. D. in Counseling Psychology. After a student has taken all the classes and taken the comprehensive exams that test your knowledge of the field in general, you then have two things left: 1. write your dissertation and 2. go on a year long internship. A big step in the dissertation and towards the internship is passing what is called a proposal. This is when you propose to your selected committee of professors what you will do for your study. They sign when they are completely satisfied. A year ago when I first tried, they did not sign. This year, I was nearly positive they would. They actually were about to, but there was an oversight on my part. I thought I printed out papers for some professors prior to the meeting, and apparently they did not get them. This was a critical oversight. Alas, the papers did not get signed again. The good news is that my professor said I am fine to go out on internship and keep progressing towards my Ph. D. However, the bad news was that I got rejected a second time and felt like feces.

It is at this point when a man begins to lose hope. When a man does not get what he really wants, he gets extremely angry. If there are no principles ingrained in that man, then the results are pretty destructive to himself and others. This is the power of fortitude. Fortitude is the ability to fend off forces that try to tear you away from your principles. It does not matter who you are or what you do as a man, your principles will be tested. So the test was laying there in a bed of corruption trying to seduce me away from my principles. I could have taken the easier path and be negative and angry towards everyone and walked down a fiery path of self sorrow. I could have done these things because of arrogance. The arrogance being that I just being me, deserves whatever I want. Thats a dangerous road, and an easy one to follow.

What I also could have done, was take the advice and feedback from the professors, pick myself up and get dusted off and keep working on perfecting my papers. I could move forward and look at this situation as the test it indeed was, and take it with as big a smile as I could muster up. That is what I chose to do. I had the principles of the three levels of respect: 1. Respect for self 2. respect for others 3. most Importantly, respect for God. I was not going to be torn away from those principles. That force, that bond that kept me and my principles attached in this very trying situation was fortitude. Incessantly fighting off urges to spiral downward can weather the soul if not fought off tactfully. This is where composure comes in. We will speak of composure soon.

Islamic Masculinity & Muslim Masculinity…

halim — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 03:23:06 +0000

Islamic Masculinity and Muslim Masculinity are two different constructs the way that I see it. I see the former being the end goal and the latter as being the journey to get there. Islam and Islamic Masculinity does not need correcting or redefining. We simply need to make its definition clear to us as men and Muslims. When we have completed our manhood, then we simply eptomize what Islamic Masculinity is supposed to be. Muslim Masculinity on the other hand is a dynamic and an incessantly evolving state of manhood that is possessed by Muslims. That is deficient because human's and Human error is involved with that. Whereas Islam there is absolutely no error in it since Islam involves two things: Allah, and what God wants for his creation. Hopefully through Principles, Fortitude, Composure, and Submission, we may get there some day.

Many times I see the people mix up and confuse others with both terms and constructs. People attribute the deficiencies of Muslim Masculinity towards Islam as a way of living and Islamic Masculinity. First and foremost do know that people who take that stance are severely mistaken. Secondly, also know that what a man does who claims to be Muslim does not speak towards the essence of Islam and what Allah, God was trying to convey to mankind. The goal of Muslim Masculinity is to reach towards a perfect and ideal Islamic Masculinity. The channel that fills the gap between the two is The Masculine Development Model.

The differences between Islamic and Muslim masculinity are pretty simple, though to many it may seem like a miniscule nuance. The point of a Muslim man is to completely submit to Allah, to God, which means give everything in his soul and in his being away in order to get as close to Allah as possible. Why, you may ask? Because it is our nature. No one asks why Lemons taste bitter or why fire is hot, or water is transparent in its natural and pure state. No one asks because they inherently come to know that those characteristics are clearly the nature of those created things. It is just the way they were made. Such is the case of man in that submission to creator and initiator of all things is the most fundamental part of our nature as human beings.

Between 90-99% of our men in Mankind have a distorted view of masculinity. Usually masculinity is interlaced with a high dose of arrogance because the fundamental characteristic of manhood is to have some level of autonomy and some level of power and control. Having these inside the psyche and the heart marginalizes God and the role he has to play in the affairs of the creation. Arrogance is simply the feeling that you are completely self sufficient at some level, and that you are in no need of God's help and assistance. There are so many messages in the world that put out this message of arrogance and equate that to being the 'ultimate man'. There is no room in the mind and heart to submit to Allah if you feel like you do not need him. That right now unfortunately is the state of Muslim Masculinity, and we are trying to move the people towards the Masculinity of God, the Masculinity of Islam (Islamic Masculinity) that was created for us to fulfill our nature.