The beard is apart of Islamic Masculinity. However those who cannot grow a beard can also fall within that realm of Islamic Masculinity. The Prophet S said for us to grow and maintain our beards. He S did that himself. However, there are many interpretations in the schools of thought about what growing and maintaining a beard means. I do not intend to explore those arguements and nuances, but I wish to impress the point that we should submit and intend whatever the Prophet S intends for us to do. We have to understand that Islamic Masculinity is about the submission to something greater, and that greater being is God. When God tell us to obey Muhammad S, then we submit to that.

The intention to have a beard (in some capacity) is more masculine than NOT intending to have a beard (in some capacity). I know the trends and the women are saying that a beard is scratchy, primitive, nasty, hairy, and impure. I know a lot of brothers have legitimate fears that they will repel women or will not find the female of their dreams. I totally understand brothers, and I was very much in that state of mind not to long ago. Do know that Allah has someone laid out for you, and that person is the best one for you, though we may not percieve.

Do know that there are plenty of women who just want real men beard or no beard. We should focus more on our masculinity than how we appear to people. So long as we are modest and clean and respectful in our demeanor, that will speak volumes more that having the sparkling 360's, tight muscle shirts and extra loose pants. Do know my brothers, that if your pants are loose, be they on your skin or in your heart, then women who are loose in their modesty will draw to you.

So wear your beard, however you like to, but wear it and submit your pride and yourself to the order of Allah and the Prophet S, a man that loves you more that you love yourself, though we do not perceive. At the same time, do not call your Muslim brothers kafir if they do not have or wear beards. Do not condemn people to the fires of Hell, especially if you cannot guarantee immunity from the fire that burns forever. Let us focus on important things like hmm.... lets see... I know.... Praying five times a day!

Part of Islamic Masculinity is the submission of everything we do in our life and all that is in our spirit. So we wear our beards with pride, and more importantly (because Allah said it was the most important thing) praying to him. Treat the people with respect and good character, wheather you have a beard or not because those things are incumbent upon you. Focusing on hairs upon your face is Muslim Masculinity, but wearing those hairs the way the Prophet S did and the submission to God's command to obey his most beloved creation, that, my brothers is Islamic Masculinity.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Why males and not females? It is because of our nature. The nature of man is to protect the spirit, mind and body of a woman. The nature of the woman is to support man and inject beauty and life into the relationship between male and female, and into the world. Most of the problems you see in females are direct or strongly connected effect of corrupt males. For example, our perception of beauty in western cultures. The male perception of beauty and attractiveness is corrupted by the undying lusts within our carnal desire. We want women to show more skin. Once they show us all their skin we want them to fulfill our every fantasy. Once that is done enough times, we have no use for them anymore and repeat the same process with another woman, and another after that. The women buy in because their nature is the need to be seen as beautiful and inject beauty in the world. The males buy in because out of their lust, they want to see more and more. There are billions of dollars in this cycle and people are greedy, which then leads to more evils. This started because males did not control themselves.

If you are a man, and you have a corrupt woman in your life, then first, stop whining about her and change yourself! I used to be of those who whined. Then I talked to another man and he put some things in perspective for me on this issue. I came to realize that if you want to make things better in your relationship, then you need to change yourself for the better. If the woman is still full of malice, then you need to part ways. Not everyone in love needs to spend their whole life together. Not everyone in love needs to be together.

Though the source of all problems with the world are with corrupt males, women can do something to change this situation as well. The most important thing a woman can do is choose a man that respects her. That means if he does things that make you feel uncomfortable and worthless, then do know that in some way he is corrupting your spirit. As for the males, to change the situation of the world to be better, you simply need to show another male how to be a man. If you do not know how, then seek out another real man and learn from him. We have defined in previous entries what a real man is. So seek that out, perpetuate it and you will begin to see change throughout the world.

A final example that embodies why males are the source of all problems. Imagine Fort Knox, or some huge place where locked inside of it are treasures of the world (gold, silver, platinum, etc.) If someone were to break into the place and take some of the treasures or corrupt it or damage it, then what would you place fault upon? No one in their right mind would blame the gold. You would say there was a lack of security or a hole in the protection system. The treasure is the woman and is not to be blamed for the corruptions in the world. The security system is the male and deserves the blame. Proper development will fend off all types of corruptions. Thus, Males developed into real men will obliterate the source of most world problems.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

This conversation was extremely therapeutic to me because it is always helpful especially to someone like myself to know that other people are goign through similar struggles or that they are not so far ahead of you in the road to happiness and contentment. It is also very helpful to get advice and feedback from men who are both older and younger than you about some situations you are going through. This is a habit of many women in their sharing and intimate comradery that I believe helps them live longer and cope with more internal pain than most men. Brothers of mankind do need to bond at some level or else it will lead to our spiritual and eventually our physical destruction.

Now this perception is coming from a Muslim Male perspective and it does not imply that brothers do not put sisters through their own personal hell either, however this is a Muslim Male blog. So we started talking about how the wives and women know exactly what to say to get you into extreme anger. We talked about this a little deeper and discussed how women either consciously or unconsciously try to gain emotional control. Sisters control most men through Male emotion and pride in their manhood. Nothing makes a man feel more masculine than power over someone else, especially a woman who the man has multiple levels of attraction towards (spiritual, emotional, and physical).

On the other end, nothing threatens a man's masculinity than someone calling out or questioning a male's manhood. I think that most women know this, and the ones who are twisted in their functioning know that you can control a man through diminishing their self worth to a point of stress and depression. Most women, by nature take these transgressing shots at brothers they even say that they love dearly, whether knowingly or unknowingly. This happens because women do not know what masculinity is. I say that because they may read or hear or have seen a functionaly example of it, but they have never experienced it. Even though they may tell you that they know what you are talking about, but they do not.

One example of this is my wife. My wife came from an extremely positive background witha great male role model in her father and her older brother. Furthermore, she has had many positive interactions with males. Many times I will tell my three year old son something when I am leaving. I tell him, "Make sure you take care of mommy when I am gone." If there are other women in the house, I tell him to take care of them as well. On multiple occasions my wife will ask, "he's just three, what is he going to do? Why do you keep telling him that?" That question right there showed me that she never experienced manhood, just saw it and felt it through a woman's mind and body. Most men reading this should have picked up why I said such a thing to my son. I do not expect all the women reading this to catch it. What I am doing is injecting the quality of protecting family, and responsibility for the home and the women and other children in the home at a very early age. I am doing it from a male perspective which is why a woman like my wife did not catch it. It is interactions and bonds like these between males that are necessary to pass down and perpetuate the journey to the completion of manhood.

We talked about instilling our secure form of masculinity. One of the best ways that this is done is by having interactions that bond males to a level of trust and support that reinforce what we already know. What we already know is that most of us are on our way to completing our manhood and being the best men that we can be. The Prophet (s) said in a very authentic narration that "Women are like a rib, if you try to straighten them out, then they will snap, so leave them be." I know it seems like it we take any more from our women, than we're gonna be the ones who are snapping, but that is where the model of masculinity comes in. That is the true strength. The strength of security to endure the emotional tornadoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes, that women can unleash upon us. Remember the third phase of the Masculine Development Model which is composure.

Most of the time, women, like many people project and dump their internal strife upon males and males get emotionally constipated because they deal with their own issues and whatever is dumped upon him without having a postive outlet to vent, express his concerns, or even get some advice about a trying situation. Many women on the other hand have some outlets and it is more socially acceptable for women to cry and express emotions that scientifically relieve the body of the stress and pain of many situations. Males on the other hand must maintain society's definition of masculinity and hold everything in and not show any sign of weakness. The only acceptable way to show emotion for most men in this society is anger. Anger is not supposed to be a common and consistent emotion. Anger is a defense mechanism that protects something. Anger is described by the Prophet (s) as a fire inside of us and that we must cool it down. If we are walking around 24 hours a day most days out of the year angry at some level about something, we are slowly (and sometimes quickly) killing ourselves. We must not internalize the strife of other people. We must be strong enough to ask for help from other brothers and seek advice and get along with give reinforcement to our fellow brothers in Islam and in Mankind. If we know that we can support one another and help each other then, we can be better even for our wives and our women in the community.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

What I have found is that women are much more experiential than men are. The experience of connecting and the rebeautification of self is what arouses at the deepest level. This translates into the connection between people. So how you connect with the female gender is paramount. The first thing is to have a proper intention. The proper intention is to get yourself closer to Allah with everything you do. Furthermore, if you can get the creation around you closer to Allah along with you, then that is better. The creation around you includes Women. You must want to get better, and closer to Allah in your interactions with women and the people. This must be the top priority. However it is not that simple because a decent portion of the women we meet daily we are attracted towards. Once a physical attraction comes into play, the the intention starts getting confabulated.

When we are able to move past this phase which goes in line with the Masculine Developmental Model and hold strong to our principles through our fortitude, then we are able to keep our three levels of respect. The first level of respect is the respect for God. This means getting towards a level of belief where you begin to live life as if Allah is right next to you. The second level of respect is that towards yourself. This is where your principles come into play from the Masculine Development Model. When you have principles for yourself then, regardless of how attractive someone is and how seductive they become, it does not sway you from your own personal beliefs and values. A man without principles is nothing. The third level of respect is that towards the woman. The woman comes last because if there is no respect for God or self, that whatever a woman wants to get from you, or get for you, she can get it, even if it is against your own will. She can get it against your own will because a man without self respect or low principles has no internal foundation that can weather the storm that people and their desires will throw upon you. Your self respect is the foundation of your principles. Your principles are the foundation of your manhood. Your manhood is the foundation of your being and who you are as a man in society.

Women have that intuition, but many times, they do not know it. The base of nature for a woman is to draw herself to the rebeautification and the reinforcement of the value of her soul. That comes in infinite forms throughout this world in the hundreds and thousands of groups of people that inhabit this planet. The one common denominator is that a woman want to consistently be beautified (in her own eyes, and her own way) and to reinforce her value (in her own eyes and her own way). In this particular society, most women are taught and socialized nowadays to be attractive, and really, nothing more. Attractiveness and physical desirability is the primary channel of drawing the attention needed to rebeautify and reinforce value of herself. So men are socialized to treat women on the basis of their physical and sexual desirability.

There are a few problems with that. The first big issue is that the physique has nothing to do with the woman and many of us men reading this know that all too well. Males simply get the experience they want from the body of their desire, then they move on to another one of their liking. This leaves a trail of unfulfilled and devalued souls. Not only are their souls devalued, but us men begin to devalue and hate ourselves for funnelling our self worth and our masculinity to simply how many women do we got numbers for and how many can we get naked with at will. Most people get this perception perpetuated by mass media and their peers. It gets to a point where the males of society (as in most males here in America) feel in the depth of their heart that all (or a significant portion) of masculinity is simply how many woman can you sleep with. The people who feel that way are severely confused souls.

There are a few basics after the fundamental levels of respect in how to treat a woman. The first thing is honesty, which includes being straightforward, not in a rude way, but simple and straight. The second thing is to simply be yourself. I know millions of people say this, and one of the reasons I have come to realize is that you will draw people to you (if single) or draw attention to you (if not single) that is not suitable for who you are as a person and where your situation is in life. The second thing is to make sure you are pleasant and approachable. I say this to my Muslim brothers especially because sisters and women who are in danger will more likely seek help and protection from you (which is your God given duty as a man). If you are cold and unapproachable, she may not seek help, protection, or much needed information from you since she thinks that you are not a helping spirit. Now this may draw some unwanted attractive attention to you, however, the three levels of respect are your shield from unwanted evils that is the source of your personality. The greater good is the ability for a sister or a woman to feel they have real men to depend on and protect her if in danger.

The last simple thing is to treat a woman more than the desirable piece of flesh that stand before you. There really is much more to her than that. There is much more to her that will benefit you. Remember in the Quran that Woman (Eve) was created from Adam's body. So there is some secret, some part of ourselves that reside within them that can most certainly be the key to our success if we only knew. There will be more pieces on how to properly treat a woman, but this should suffice for now.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

For example, I am scared of mice and bees (just do not like them). However, a fear of mine as in most men is being seen as weak and vulnerable while letting the blessing of God escape my life. The emotion I feel towards bees and mice are temporary and only there when I see them, however the fear is always there constantly and incessantly.

Responsibility is something tangible or intangible (like thoughts, relationships, ideas, promises, etc.) that we are accountable for. Whether or not an error or a mistake happened directly or indirectly because of what we men did, if that thing was under the realm of our responsibility, then we are held accountable. That is the price we pay for having the power and the influence in the world that we do. We are simply responsible for things that are under our realm of responsibility. This goes for leadership within the home, outside the home, in other institutions, and most importantly, within ourselves. Connecting this to the Male Development Model, if we are not responsible for our own principles in our first stage towards achieving completion of manhood, then we will never get past that stage. I am talking about fear and responsibility because something happened to me lately that connected these two elements.

Recently I had a situation where I had a few options for a new job. The first job to accept me was closest to my passion of working with kids and having a great time being youthful. This job however, was the shortest term and the lowest paying in comparison the other jobs. I am very passionate about the other job options but this one was very special, it was also offered to me by someone I respect very much. I did however decide to leave the first option as I was starting as I was looking for more financial stability.

The way that I declined the first offer was not the best or timeliest manner. I had an oversight and completely forgot about and missed a training for the first offer. Furthermore, my oversight and lack of timeliness to make a decision to decline hampered some of their funding as they had already invested in me for further training. The other options were coming in as the first job had begun. Those other options offered more pay and longer terms. The key to this story was that I did not say I was looking for other options to the first job until I was pretty sure I had the other options solidified. This omission of information in conjunction with a missed training left a bad impression on the first option. The main thing is I felt really bad (and still do) as I believe I lost the respect of someone I respect highly. The question is why did I do this?

The answer is that I had a fear. I feared I would not have a way of providing for my family if I told them I was looking around at other options and they perhaps would let me go. So I said nothing until I thought the other jobs were solidified. That is what was going on in my head, and fear can make you do some irrational things. The responsibility comes in with the position I had accepted and the word that I gave when I accepted their offer. Now that I have since declined, the backlash essentially is that I must reimburse the money that was already spent on me as it is public grant money and they are working on a very tight budget. I will gladly do so and pay back each penny invested. I would also like to volunteer and help those kids through my other connections. This is not about looking good online or saying the right things that will make people clap inside of their hearts. This is about responsibility. When you make a mistake, small or big, it is the owning up to the accountability and the consequences that come afterwards.

Responsibility is not being perfect; it is how you handle yourself and other people when things are not perfect. I definitely have some things to work on in my journey towards the completion of manhood, and one of those things is how to act when I am wrong. Most men and people in general know how to act when they are right and something goes their way. The issue comes in when people are wrong, incorrect, and mistaken. This is where fear and responsibility come in as many men have a fear of being wrong and having a weakness attributed to the mistake at hand. The strength in actuality comes in when a man can take responsibility in being right and in being wrong.

How do we handle when we are right? How do we make other people feel? Usually, most of us rub it in their faces and reinforce their fear of being wrong around us. So then it stops being about the pursuit of betterment and manhood and starts being more about our vain desires to accumulate as many “correct points” as possible to validate our distance from our fear and insecurity of being wrong.

We need to handle being correct with respect and our positive principles, no matter how passionate the argument was before the verdict. We need to put an end to people’s fears of being wrong around us and we need to stand up to our responsibilities and not let our fear evacuate us from what we are accountable over. When we can handle both our fears and responsibilities like Men, then we are that much closer to achieving our completion of Manhood.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.