Tests in life are pretty similar. They pull something out of us. For example with me intelligence is a sensitive area in my heart. So when someone I care about insults my intelligence, that is a big test for my heart. It is a test to see if my will gives in to the lower base desires of anger, arrogance, and hate. Will I lash out and scream at the person? Will I do something subtle to belittle them and make them hurt as much as I do inside? Will I hold it all in and resent them for a significant period of time? Or, can I just let it go? It sounds simple, like most things do, but for me, it's a very hard thing to do (I would imagine for others as well). Sometimes as a man, the hardest thing for us to do in the heat of the moment, is to do nothing at all.

Much of this has to do with Fortitude as we have discussed before. Tests are the urges and desires of yourself and others who take you away from the path to your Creator, the key to unlock the infinite secret behind your spiritual masculinity. Gravity will always pull down. Strength is defined by how much one can resist the pull. This past year was full of tests for me. Looking back, I truly got to see some of the baser parts of my self. I got to see how I function when I have fear. I got to see myself angry and resentful beyond my own imagination. I was privileged (yes, privileged) to see people blatantly try to deter me from my path to complete masculinity, and more importantly, my Creator. It was a trying time. It was one of those years where you sincerely wonder if your marriage will last, your career, everything.

Somehow, by the grace of God, we made it through. It was great preparation for what was to come. All tests are a preparation. They are a preparation right up to the end of your life. One could ask, "why so much preparation when you are going to die? Why so much preparation for the last second of your life?" The most important second of your life is not your first, but your last. Everything you do before you leave is a manifestation of what is to come. Your character is shown and defined by the last moments in your life. The last moments of what is in your heart, how you feel, the peace, the security, ther preparation to leave this world, that is the most important second of your life. All the tests, trials, and tribulations that we have spoken of are to prepare you, like packing items in a suitcase for a journey. This journey will take you to your true masculinity, your true self and your true creator. So do know that tests build your character. They build the internal paradise of peace brick by brick so that you will see the external one with utmost clarity.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

When we do our proper acts of worship, such as the prayer, then Allah gives our soul a different perspective of life. We start to feel differently about things. We start to believe the reality that we have more control over our lives. Things start to have a rhythm and flow in a certain direction. When situations occur, we do not see them as disconnected or mere anomalies of nature. We start to see the events in our life as a theme of our development. Let us remember Halim's Masculine Development model. Certain things happen to people who are developing the first stage which is our principles. Different events will occur when we are in the next phase being Fortitude. Self Control is about the third stage, which is Composure.

Composure is complete self control. It is the ability to control all things within ourself. In doing so, wer are given more responsibility towards the other creation including people. The most important thing we must control is the spritiual desire within ourselves. This part of ourself is called the Nafs. The Nafs is the part of ourselves that has an infinite level of greed and desire. It is the 'monster' within us. It is the source of our lust, our sloth, our gluttony, and our arrogance which will lead to hate of all things and ultimately, hatred of ourselves. It also seats the baser emotions like anger, jealousy, our malice, violent imagery. The pure emotions come from the pure and good part of ourselves like pure joy and happiness, sadness, fear, pain, love, etc.

The more that we sin, the less control we will have in our lives. This is because our Nafs will gain more power over ourselves. We will start to have a corrupted lens of the world and its people. We will then start to feel that the world hates us or is out to get us when in fact it is we who hate ourselves. This is where distorted displays of manhood start to show themselves. It is because we do not know how to show power, strength, and control with humility. We buy in to the society's definition of strength and masculine. Through the sinning of others, they influence the definitions that we have of ourselves. In fact, it should be ourselves that influence others. The anger, the anxiety, and other manifestations of fear are signs that we possess little control over ourselves. The way to acheive this is to worship, pray, and look at all things as connected. Once we put our faith in Allah, our situation will change for the better. We will experience a deeper level of calm. Others will have that experience when they are around us. When we gain more control of ourselves, we will have control over everything.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

There is a tremendous amount of wisdom and lessons that can be taken from this statement. There are things that happen inside of us that lead us to say bad things or useless things. In this statement the Prophet S guided us to have control over the gateway of emitting the tests that we have inside ourselves. That is to say, we may get angry or feel wronged or slighted. We may even be right, but the Prophet S instructed us to guard the tongue that conveys and spreads that negativity all over. This shows us that Allah will test us on the inside. That is inevitable. However, it is what we do with the tests that we have on the inside that we are judged for.

The same goes for our private parts. The Prophet S did not say "do not be attracted to women." He said to guard our genitals. Its not the attraction that is the sin. It is act we do because of our attraction. This puts the owership of salvation into our hands which is very healthy for us as men as we want to possess as much control over our destiny as possible. Sometimes the urge may seem unstoppable and impossible to resist. For some of us, it may approach that status, but most of us know deep down, there is something deeper. The proof is this: after you are done having satisfying sex, then what do you think about? Is your mind revolving around the next time you will have sex or does your mind wander to other matters? For most of us, we mentally move on from that act until the next time we are in a state of sexual arousal.

The control over these two simple pieces of flesh will guarantee us paradise. This is for a reason. It is not easy to contain the urges that flow out of these two parts of our anatomy.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Our males who act tough yet have little esteem and confidence in themselves and their lord can perpetuate astronomical amounts of division and destruction. This is because the method of filling the void inside ourselves has no blessing in it. It goes against what the way Allah told us to change our condition. The women become an expression of our own wishes. If we do not keep ourselves modest and chaste, then our women will reflect that condition. People make their own decisions, but most choose to follow their own desires. One of the signs of following our own desires is leaving the way of the Prophet (s) and point the finger by spewing negativity into the world. It does not unite us, further it leaves us in a spiritually stagnant state, which is where Shaytan would like us to remain for eternity.

The solution to become united is clear. We get rid of our own filth inside ourselves. That means leave the sins that we know we do. We need to perform our five pillars to the utmost perfection we can give it. We then should leave that which Allah and his Prophet emphatically forbade. If that stage is reached, then we should begin doing the acts that Allah and his prophet believed desirable. Always remember, the strength of a building, like our pillars we have in Islam is not in the outside, it is the strength built within. Verily (as the Prophet (s) is oft quoted) our actions are judged based on our intentions (Bukhari & Muslim). So whoever goes on this journey to please Allah, then he will get what he wants. Whoever goes on this journey for a woman, he will get what he wants. Make sure the intents are pure before going down the path of development. Remember, we cannot reach our potential without the help of Allah.

This development takes time and it takes a tremendous amount of humility because we find out how much dirt is inside. This is why Allah said in the first chapter (Al Fatihah) and fifth verse: “You alone we worship and you alone we come to for help.” He also said in the 103rd chapter (Al Asr) in the first and second verse: “By time; verily mankind is at a loss.” My brothers and sisters, we are at a loss. This is our nature: to be at a loss without Allah. So do not be discouraged and feel too bad to come back to Allah for Allah is ever and infinitely merciful and He wants you to need Him. He created us to be united in our need of Him. When we feel like we do not need others and can sit on our so-called stools of piety and point fingers, it will only corrupt ourselves. We must rise above that, men and women to something better.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

There is a popular verse in the Quran. In chapter 13 (Al-Ra’d), verse 11 there is a portion where most average Muslims translate as “Allah does not change a condition of the people until they change the condition of themselves.” The Arabic words from the Quran say something more specific. Yusuf Ali and M. Pickthall translate it a more specific way: For him are angels ranged before him and behind him, who guard him by Allah's command. Lo! Allah changeth not the condition of a folk until they (first) change that which is in their hearts; and if Allah willeth misfortune for a folk there is none that can repel it, nor have they a defender beside Him. The word for change used in this verse transliterates as (Yu-Ghay-ya-roo) which is third person, plural and present tense. The root word (Ghay-ya-ra) is in the second verbal form in Arabic which specifically connotes one causing with more intensity and repetition over time (“Language of Revelation”, Siddeeq Jihad, p. 108). It is an active and engaging form for verbs in Arabic. In this subtlety, Allah is showing us how he wants us to change our own condition from division towards unity. He wants us to engage our hearts constantly. The Arabic words for this transliterates as [maa (what) bee (in) an-foo-see-him (selves)]. We must change what is inside ourselves.

Often, the divisions and the corruptions most of us speak about in the community are spread by backbiting and perpetuating scandals. Our hearts do not see clearly. Thus when we spread news of the community, it usually comes out unclear and negative which often translates to backbiting and scandals. Many times we backbite and spread negativity because of what we heard from someone else. The 108th chapter (Al-Humazah) of the Quran is specifically about people who spread these types of corruptions. Thus, our efforts to reunite the community are corrupt. In our corruption, we get this rush and a voice telling us that we doing the right thing, it’s for the sake of Allah, or it is for the greater good. We continue in the misguidance because we have adopted inappropriate habits in our efforts to reunite. It is a natural law in science and a supernatural law to gain positivity, one must emit positivity. The Prophet (s) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak a good word or remain silent. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his neighbor. And whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should show hospitality to his guest.”(Bukhari and Muslim). The Prophet (s) was a firm believer in being positive as we should be.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

I was tested a couple weeks back. I had to propose my study for my dissertation. I am a doctoral student going for my Ph. D. in Counseling Psychology. After a student has taken all the classes and taken the comprehensive exams that test your knowledge of the field in general, you then have two things left: 1. write your dissertation and 2. go on a year long internship. A big step in the dissertation and towards the internship is passing what is called a proposal. This is when you propose to your selected committee of professors what you will do for your study. They sign when they are completely satisfied. A year ago when I first tried, they did not sign. This year, I was nearly positive they would. They actually were about to, but there was an oversight on my part. I thought I printed out papers for some professors prior to the meeting, and apparently they did not get them. This was a critical oversight. Alas, the papers did not get signed again. The good news is that my professor said I am fine to go out on internship and keep progressing towards my Ph. D. However, the bad news was that I got rejected a second time and felt like feces.

It is at this point when a man begins to lose hope. When a man does not get what he really wants, he gets extremely angry. If there are no principles ingrained in that man, then the results are pretty destructive to himself and others. This is the power of fortitude. Fortitude is the ability to fend off forces that try to tear you away from your principles. It does not matter who you are or what you do as a man, your principles will be tested. So the test was laying there in a bed of corruption trying to seduce me away from my principles. I could have taken the easier path and be negative and angry towards everyone and walked down a fiery path of self sorrow. I could have done these things because of arrogance. The arrogance being that I just being me, deserves whatever I want. Thats a dangerous road, and an easy one to follow.

What I also could have done, was take the advice and feedback from the professors, pick myself up and get dusted off and keep working on perfecting my papers. I could move forward and look at this situation as the test it indeed was, and take it with as big a smile as I could muster up. That is what I chose to do. I had the principles of the three levels of respect: 1. Respect for self 2. respect for others 3. most Importantly, respect for God. I was not going to be torn away from those principles. That force, that bond that kept me and my principles attached in this very trying situation was fortitude. Incessantly fighting off urges to spiral downward can weather the soul if not fought off tactfully. This is where composure comes in. We will speak of composure soon.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

This conversation was extremely therapeutic to me because it is always helpful especially to someone like myself to know that other people are goign through similar struggles or that they are not so far ahead of you in the road to happiness and contentment. It is also very helpful to get advice and feedback from men who are both older and younger than you about some situations you are going through. This is a habit of many women in their sharing and intimate comradery that I believe helps them live longer and cope with more internal pain than most men. Brothers of mankind do need to bond at some level or else it will lead to our spiritual and eventually our physical destruction.

Now this perception is coming from a Muslim Male perspective and it does not imply that brothers do not put sisters through their own personal hell either, however this is a Muslim Male blog. So we started talking about how the wives and women know exactly what to say to get you into extreme anger. We talked about this a little deeper and discussed how women either consciously or unconsciously try to gain emotional control. Sisters control most men through Male emotion and pride in their manhood. Nothing makes a man feel more masculine than power over someone else, especially a woman who the man has multiple levels of attraction towards (spiritual, emotional, and physical).

On the other end, nothing threatens a man's masculinity than someone calling out or questioning a male's manhood. I think that most women know this, and the ones who are twisted in their functioning know that you can control a man through diminishing their self worth to a point of stress and depression. Most women, by nature take these transgressing shots at brothers they even say that they love dearly, whether knowingly or unknowingly. This happens because women do not know what masculinity is. I say that because they may read or hear or have seen a functionaly example of it, but they have never experienced it. Even though they may tell you that they know what you are talking about, but they do not.

One example of this is my wife. My wife came from an extremely positive background witha great male role model in her father and her older brother. Furthermore, she has had many positive interactions with males. Many times I will tell my three year old son something when I am leaving. I tell him, "Make sure you take care of mommy when I am gone." If there are other women in the house, I tell him to take care of them as well. On multiple occasions my wife will ask, "he's just three, what is he going to do? Why do you keep telling him that?" That question right there showed me that she never experienced manhood, just saw it and felt it through a woman's mind and body. Most men reading this should have picked up why I said such a thing to my son. I do not expect all the women reading this to catch it. What I am doing is injecting the quality of protecting family, and responsibility for the home and the women and other children in the home at a very early age. I am doing it from a male perspective which is why a woman like my wife did not catch it. It is interactions and bonds like these between males that are necessary to pass down and perpetuate the journey to the completion of manhood.

We talked about instilling our secure form of masculinity. One of the best ways that this is done is by having interactions that bond males to a level of trust and support that reinforce what we already know. What we already know is that most of us are on our way to completing our manhood and being the best men that we can be. The Prophet (s) said in a very authentic narration that "Women are like a rib, if you try to straighten them out, then they will snap, so leave them be." I know it seems like it we take any more from our women, than we're gonna be the ones who are snapping, but that is where the model of masculinity comes in. That is the true strength. The strength of security to endure the emotional tornadoes, hurricanes, and earthquakes, that women can unleash upon us. Remember the third phase of the Masculine Development Model which is composure.

Most of the time, women, like many people project and dump their internal strife upon males and males get emotionally constipated because they deal with their own issues and whatever is dumped upon him without having a postive outlet to vent, express his concerns, or even get some advice about a trying situation. Many women on the other hand have some outlets and it is more socially acceptable for women to cry and express emotions that scientifically relieve the body of the stress and pain of many situations. Males on the other hand must maintain society's definition of masculinity and hold everything in and not show any sign of weakness. The only acceptable way to show emotion for most men in this society is anger. Anger is not supposed to be a common and consistent emotion. Anger is a defense mechanism that protects something. Anger is described by the Prophet (s) as a fire inside of us and that we must cool it down. If we are walking around 24 hours a day most days out of the year angry at some level about something, we are slowly (and sometimes quickly) killing ourselves. We must not internalize the strife of other people. We must be strong enough to ask for help from other brothers and seek advice and get along with give reinforcement to our fellow brothers in Islam and in Mankind. If we know that we can support one another and help each other then, we can be better even for our wives and our women in the community.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

We have spiritual aspects that we must fulfill. Women are apart of that spirituality as they bring out something in us. They present us with the ability to test ourselves and our desires and strengths. The completion of Manhood and our destiny has to involve both men and women into that spiritual journey. Men support and reinforce one another in the journey and women provide the level of intimacy and support where they share along with you the man the creation and development of new life in our youth. We want our communities and our locales to be sustainable. Plants grow, die in the winter, then come back again because they have something sustainable. Now I have heard the argument many times. "There are so many kids out there who need parents and families they can go to; we already have plenty of kids to sustain Humanity." That argument may hold some wait temporarily because the vast majority of people are sexual exclusively with the opposite sex. Lets take this further though. What if most people were gay? What if everyone was gay? Humanity, due to lack of reproduction would eventually become extinct. So perhaps it is most healthy to keep homosexuality to a bare minimum. What would we show our youth in terms of how to treat the opposite sex in terms of perpetuating families? It could very well be that women and men would not be able to have functioning enough relationships, nor the desire to attain that to the point of creating family and sustaining Humanity. These are some of the issues raised. It is definitely a test and a struggle for all of us to complete our journey to Manhood. Homosexual acts and leaving out the other half of the Human Race in terms of perpetuation is definitely one of those struggles to be overcome.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

Men have The Three Hungers of Men: Food, Lust, and Ego. The first one is food. Many of us have a special relationship with food, whether it makes our body feel extra good, it can help us deal with stress; we may associate eating with deep thought, tranquility, or peace. Sometimes this relationship and the desire for food can overtake us and begin to rule us as we evade controlling our appetite at all costs. If we continue down this path as many of us know, then we simply become or appetite and we consume and try to quench a hunger that is really everlasting. We should treat our hunger as something like chronic condition, which is we treat it and put it at bay because if we simply. There is nothing wrong with hunger or food, but becoming hunger and becoming the food we eat (full of fat and sugar) is something not many of us men desire.

The second hunger is lust. Since puberty most men have this hunger that is chronic for the remainder of our lives. The dysfunctional attempts to completely satisfy this urge is the cause for the degradation of many societies including our own as we males are glorified for treating the most beautiful creation in women as sex toys to reach orgasmic pleasure. Orgasms are fine and so is taking a woman and being faithful to her in and out of bed, but men are more than their orgasms, much more. Lust is the desire to reach or get as close to that orgasmic pleasure that is within us all. The first stage in knowing that there is a problem is recognizing that the problem exists. If the bottom line use for women is our lust and we see them as a desirable clump of flesh that gives us the orgasmic pleasure; then there is a problem. If all we want is that pleasure and after that pleasure we leave them and alleviate ourselves of commitment and responsibility; then there is a problem. This is where the principles in the male development model come in as we need our principles in place that we value ourselves. If we do not try to regain control of our desires, then one day we will be too old and decrepit to be desirable to whom we want, and all we will be left with is our desire, and no, pornography does not solve that problem.

The third and most destructive hunger is our ego. Our egos have been the root of nearly every evil done on a massive level in this world. It is about or acquisition of power as we see it, autonomy, praise, and all other people places and things that support the notion that we ourselves are in complete control of the affairs in our world. Again, the Masculine Development Model addresses this in the advanced stage of submission. If a male thinks all things revolve around him and are dependent on him, then one day, that male will be all that he has, quite simply. There will be no money, no loved ones, no palace, no praise, nothing. It will be an everlasting cycle of regret and resentment towards self that the male cannot sustain all that he wants and then tries to abandon the hungers, needs and desires that brought him to that place to show his strength and power, but he will find that he cannot escape the black hole of arrogance. The most basic and potent root of arrogance in that a male needs absolutely nothing and is completely self sufficient. If we persist on this path, we will lose all but ourselves and even then we will not want ourselves. Submission is key. Treating and controlling these hungers of food, lust and ego are key to Strength and our complete and unadulterated happiness as men completing our manhood.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.

For example, I am scared of mice and bees (just do not like them). However, a fear of mine as in most men is being seen as weak and vulnerable while letting the blessing of God escape my life. The emotion I feel towards bees and mice are temporary and only there when I see them, however the fear is always there constantly and incessantly.

Responsibility is something tangible or intangible (like thoughts, relationships, ideas, promises, etc.) that we are accountable for. Whether or not an error or a mistake happened directly or indirectly because of what we men did, if that thing was under the realm of our responsibility, then we are held accountable. That is the price we pay for having the power and the influence in the world that we do. We are simply responsible for things that are under our realm of responsibility. This goes for leadership within the home, outside the home, in other institutions, and most importantly, within ourselves. Connecting this to the Male Development Model, if we are not responsible for our own principles in our first stage towards achieving completion of manhood, then we will never get past that stage. I am talking about fear and responsibility because something happened to me lately that connected these two elements.

Recently I had a situation where I had a few options for a new job. The first job to accept me was closest to my passion of working with kids and having a great time being youthful. This job however, was the shortest term and the lowest paying in comparison the other jobs. I am very passionate about the other job options but this one was very special, it was also offered to me by someone I respect very much. I did however decide to leave the first option as I was starting as I was looking for more financial stability.

The way that I declined the first offer was not the best or timeliest manner. I had an oversight and completely forgot about and missed a training for the first offer. Furthermore, my oversight and lack of timeliness to make a decision to decline hampered some of their funding as they had already invested in me for further training. The other options were coming in as the first job had begun. Those other options offered more pay and longer terms. The key to this story was that I did not say I was looking for other options to the first job until I was pretty sure I had the other options solidified. This omission of information in conjunction with a missed training left a bad impression on the first option. The main thing is I felt really bad (and still do) as I believe I lost the respect of someone I respect highly. The question is why did I do this?

The answer is that I had a fear. I feared I would not have a way of providing for my family if I told them I was looking around at other options and they perhaps would let me go. So I said nothing until I thought the other jobs were solidified. That is what was going on in my head, and fear can make you do some irrational things. The responsibility comes in with the position I had accepted and the word that I gave when I accepted their offer. Now that I have since declined, the backlash essentially is that I must reimburse the money that was already spent on me as it is public grant money and they are working on a very tight budget. I will gladly do so and pay back each penny invested. I would also like to volunteer and help those kids through my other connections. This is not about looking good online or saying the right things that will make people clap inside of their hearts. This is about responsibility. When you make a mistake, small or big, it is the owning up to the accountability and the consequences that come afterwards.

Responsibility is not being perfect; it is how you handle yourself and other people when things are not perfect. I definitely have some things to work on in my journey towards the completion of manhood, and one of those things is how to act when I am wrong. Most men and people in general know how to act when they are right and something goes their way. The issue comes in when people are wrong, incorrect, and mistaken. This is where fear and responsibility come in as many men have a fear of being wrong and having a weakness attributed to the mistake at hand. The strength in actuality comes in when a man can take responsibility in being right and in being wrong.

How do we handle when we are right? How do we make other people feel? Usually, most of us rub it in their faces and reinforce their fear of being wrong around us. So then it stops being about the pursuit of betterment and manhood and starts being more about our vain desires to accumulate as many “correct points” as possible to validate our distance from our fear and insecurity of being wrong.

We need to handle being correct with respect and our positive principles, no matter how passionate the argument was before the verdict. We need to put an end to people’s fears of being wrong around us and we need to stand up to our responsibilities and not let our fear evacuate us from what we are accountable over. When we can handle both our fears and responsibilities like Men, then we are that much closer to achieving our completion of Manhood.

©2012 Halim Naeem.com. All Rights Reserved.